The bar chart shows information about salt intake in the US in 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The bar chart is illustrating aboutes the levels of salt intake by different age groups and genders in the United States in the year 2000. Overall, it can be seen that males consume more salts than females across all the age ranges. In details, the salt intake for both genders is increasinges with age, starting from around 7g per day for those aged 19 to 24 years old to a peak of approximately 10g daily by the age group of 45 to 54 years old. After that, the consumption are declininges slightly for the 55-64 years old group and drops significantly to just over 7g per day in the 75 years and older age groups. Furthermore, the salt intake for males is consistently higher than for females by around 2-3g throughout all age brackets. The maximum difference between genders are inoccurs in the 25-34 years old age group at nearly 4g, while the gap areis smallest for those aged 75 years or more at just about 1g per day. In conclusions, salt consumption in America varies by age groups, and males tends to have morea higher intake than womenfemales in all age ranges. It roises with age initially and reaches the highest level in middle age before falling again for older peoples.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer effectively summarizes the main features of the bar chart and makes relevant comparisons between genders and age groups. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The clarity of data presentation could be enhanced by providing more specific figures and ensuring that all statements are clearly supported by data from the chart. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could improve the flow of information between sentences and paragraphs. Minor spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies also detract from the overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting 'In details' to 'In detail,' ensuring subject-verb agreement, and improving transitions between ideas. The conclusion was also made more concise. For further improvements, the writer could vary vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance lexical range. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures would benefit the overall clarity and sophistication of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow of information. For example, using more cohesive devices such as 'in addition' or 'moreover' could improve the transitions between ideas. Additionally, the phrase 'In details' should be corrected to 'In detail' for grammatical accuracy.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('the consumption are declining') and awkward phrasing ('is illustrating about'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with terms like 'salt intake' and 'age groups' being relevant to the topic. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'salt intake' and 'age groups,' which could be varied. The use of synonyms or paraphrasing could enhance the lexical range. Additionally, minor spelling errors like 'consistenly' and 'in conclusions' detract from the overall quality.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons between genders and age groups. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, and the conclusion could be more concise. To improve, the writer could provide more specific figures and ensure that all statements are clearly supported by data from the chart.
6.5

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