The bar chart shows the divorce rates in Finland and Sweden.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph is showingllustrates the divorce rate ofs in Finland and Sweden country. In Finland, the rate is around 2.5 persons in evpproximately 2.5 divorces pery 1,000 people. It is quite inhabitants, whigch rateis relatively high. In Sweden, the rate is even higher, it isat about 2.8 persons in each 1,000 people getting divorceddivorces per 1,000 inhabitants. From the data we, it can saybe inferred that, both countryies have similar divorce rates. The rates are quite high in my opinion. I think this is because,, albeit with Sweden exhibiting a slightly higher figure. This trend is concerning, as it suggests a significant number of individuals are experiencing divorce in these nations. One possible explanation for these high rates is the increased independence of individuals in developed countryies like Finland and Sweden, p. People are more independentin these societies tend to rely less on one and othey do not rely on each other much. Also, the women are also working and earning money, so they canr, which may contribute to the decision to divorce. Additionally, many women are part of the workforce and earn their own income, allowing them to support themselfves even after a divorce. This financial independence may empower individuals to leave unsatisfactory marriages. In conclusion, the bar chart clearly showindicates that Finland and Sweden have high rates ofelevated divorce rates, with Sweden having slighta marginally higher rate than Finland. This could be duephenomenon could be attributed to the independent nature of peopleindividuals in these developed countries and the financial independenceautonomy of women. The high rates are concerning and need to be addressedof divorce are indeed concerning and warrant further examination.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively discussing the divorce rates in Finland and Sweden while providing relevant data. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of analysis and providing more specific comparisons or trends. The use of cohesive devices could be improved for better flow, and the vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition. Grammatical accuracy is another area needing attention, particularly in word forms and sentence structures. The structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. For further improvement, the writer could explore the implications of the divorce rates in more detail and incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and analytical style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for improved flow. For example, the transition between discussing the rates and the reasons behind them could be smoother. Using more varied linking phrases would enhance coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as 'countrys' instead of 'countries' and 'themselfs' instead of 'themselves.' Sentence structures are mostly simple, with limited variety. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures and ensuring accuracy in word forms and agreement.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'rate' and 'country'). Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'the rate is around 2.5 persons in every 1,000 people.' More sophisticated vocabulary and varied expressions would elevate the writing. For instance, using 'divorce rate per 1,000 inhabitants' would be more precise.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by discussing the divorce rates in Finland and Sweden, providing relevant data and a conclusion. However, it lacks depth in analysis and does not fully explore the implications of the data. To improve, the writer could include more specific comparisons or trends over time, as well as a clearer explanation of the significance of the rates.
6.5

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