The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006 who ate five or more portions of fruit and vegetables per day, as recommended by the World Health Organization.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart is showingpresents data about peoples in the United Kingdom who follows the recommendations by the World Health Organization to eat a minimum 5of five portions of vegetables and fruits each day. The chart haveshows percentages for males and females in different age groups in the year 2006. From the data, it can be seen that for all age groups, a higher percentage of womens eat 5five or more fruits and vegetables compared to mens. The difference between womens and mens are is quite bsignificant, especially for people in the age group 25-34. In this age group, only around 18% of mens follows the WHO recommendation, while almost 35% of womens eat consume enough fruits and vegetables. Another interesting thing inobservation from the chart is that, as age increases, more peoples eat 5five or more portions of fruits and vegetables. This pattern is sameconsistent for both males and females. For example, in the age group 16-24, approximately 17% of mens and 20% of womens follows the WHO recommendation. But inHowever, in the age group over 65, these percentages increase to around 37% for mens and 35% for femaleswomen. In summary, the chart clearly shows that in all age groups, more womens eat the recommended amount of fruits and vegedatables compared to mens in 2006 in the UK. Alsodditionally, peoples in older age groups are more likely to follow the WHO recommendation than younger peopleindividuals.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear attempt to summarize the data and highlight key trends and comparisons between genders. The overall structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a summary. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity and precision in language, as well as grammatical accuracy. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow between ideas. Additionally, there were several lexical errors, such as 'womens' instead of 'women' and 'peoples' instead of 'people,' which detracted from the overall quality of the writing. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving phrasing for clarity, and enhancing transitions between ideas. For instance, 'Another interesting thing in chart' was rephrased to 'Another interesting observation from the chart' for better flow. Further improvements could include providing more specific data points to strengthen the analysis and ensuring a wider variety of grammatical structures. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'Another interesting thing in chart' could be rephrased for better flow. Improving the use of linking words and phrases would enhance the overall coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several errors in subject-verb agreement and pluralization (e.g., 'mens' instead of 'men'). There are also issues with sentence structure and punctuation. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of grammatical forms and ensure accuracy in their usage.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but contains several errors and repetitions, such as 'womens' instead of 'women' and 'peoples' instead of 'people.' There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as 'minimum 5 portion' instead of 'a minimum of five portions.' To improve, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetitive terms.
5.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the data presented in the bar chart, highlighting key trends and comparisons between males and females. However, it lacks some clarity and precision in language, and there are minor inaccuracies in the data representation. To improve, the writer should ensure that all statements are accurate and clearly articulated, and they could also include more specific data points to strengthen their analysis.
6.0

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