The bar chart shows the use of water by four different countries.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The bar grafikph displays information about the use of water in 4four different countryies. The grafikph clearly shows that the United States is the country whichthat uses more water thean the other countries. According to the grafikph, the United States uses about 600 cubic meters per person per year, which is much higher thean the other countryies in the grafikph. Canada uses the second most water, with approximately 450 cubic meters per person per year. Mexico uses less water thean Canada, with about 100 cubic meters per person per year. Finally, the grafik showph indicates that China uses the least water of the 4four countryies, with only around 50 cubic meters per person per year. In conclusion, we can see from the grafik thatsummary, there are bsignificant differences in the use of water betweenwater usage among the four countryies. The United States uses the most waterleads in water consumption, followed by cCanada, then Mexico, andwhile China uses the least water. It is clearevident that the United States usconsumes much more water thean the other countrysies represented in the grafikph.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by summarizing the bar chart and providing relevant data about water usage in the four countries. Key strengths include a logical flow of information and the inclusion of specific data points. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for a more explicit overview of the trends and comparisons, as well as a reduction in repetitive phrases. Structural changes made include the addition of a clear overview paragraph and the replacement of repetitive phrases with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures more extensively and ensuring grammatical accuracy throughout. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of information. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like 'the grafik shows' and 'uses more water than.' To enhance coherence, the writer could vary their sentence structures and use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and pluralization (e.g., 'then' instead of 'than,' 'countrys' instead of 'countries'). There are also issues with sentence structure and punctuation. To improve, the writer should proofread their work for grammatical accuracy and aim to use a wider range of sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms (e.g., 'grafik' instead of 'graph,' 'countrys' instead of 'countries,' and 'aproximately' instead of 'approximately'). Additionally, the repetition of 'grafik' detracts from the lexical variety. To improve, the writer should focus on using accurate vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition.
5.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the bar chart and providing relevant data about water usage in the four countries. However, it lacks a clear overview and does not sufficiently highlight the main trends or comparisons. To improve, the writer could include a more explicit summary of the overall trends observed in the data.
6.0

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