The bar graph illustrates the percentage of adults in various age brackets who used the Internet between 2003 and 2006. Analyze the data shown and discuss the implications this trend may have on businesses and marketers.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph is showing thatllustrates the percentage of adult whos using the internet inacross different age groups from 2003 to 2006. As we can see, the young adults (16-24) are using internet the most,the most frequent users, starting at around 70 percent in 2003 and riseing quickly to approximately 90 percent in 2006. The aAdults aged 25-44 are have a similar percentage of internet use liketo young adults, but it is lower by around 5-10 percent. For theIn contrast, older adults aged 45-54 and 55-64, the show much lower percentages of internet use is much lower than young adult,, at around 40-60 percent and 20-40 percent respectively. TOverall, the trend is upward for all age groups. This trend mightay have impact tosignificant implications for businesses and marketingers. Firstly, because more andas more adults are using the internet, businesses can use internetleverage this platform to promote and sell their products. They can create websites or online shops to reach morea broader customer base. Secondly, marketers can ustilise the internet to advertise their products or services. They can putlace advertisement is on popular websites or social media to attract more people. ThirdlyFurthermore, businesses and marketers need to consider the age group of their target customers. If their target is young adults, they should focus more on internet marketing. ButHowever, if their target is older adults, they might need to useemploy other method likes, such as traditional media (television, newspapers, etc.). In conclusion, the increasing trend of internet use among adults haves significant implications for businesses and marketers. They need to adapt withto this trend by using the internet as a tool for promotion and marketing. They also need t, while also considering the age group of their target customer in orders to choose the most effective marketing methods.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarising the data from the graph and discussing its implications for businesses and marketers. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the inclusion of specific data points and comparisons to enhance the analysis. Grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms, detract from the overall quality. The revised version corrects these issues, improves clarity, and adds transitional phrases for better cohesion. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include expanding the vocabulary range and providing more detailed examples of how businesses can adapt to the trends. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For instance, 'The adult age 25-44 are have similar percent...' could be rephrased for better clarity. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' could improve the overall cohesion.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('are have' should be 'have') and incorrect verb forms ('who using' should be 'who use'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but somewhat repetitive, with phrases like 'internet use' and 'adult' appearing frequently. There are also some inaccuracies, such as 'aproximately' instead of 'approximately' and 'old adult' which is not a standard term. To enhance this score, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the data from the graph and discussing its implications for businesses and marketers. However, it lacks specific data points and comparisons that would enhance the analysis. To improve, the writer could include more precise figures from the graph and elaborate on the implications with examples.
6.5

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