The bar graph shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The bar grafphic shows how many digital games wasere sold in whole worldwide between the years 2000 and 2006. It givprovides information for three types of digital games: video games, mobile games, and PC games. In the beginning, video games hasd the highest sales of around 18 billion dollars in 2000. ItSales keept increasing and reached a peak inof 25 billion oin 2004, thenbefore dropping a little bitslightly to 23 billion inby the end atof 2006. C In compareison to video games, PC games and mobile games hasd much lower sales at the start. PC games only sold 5.4 billion and, while mobile games sold only 0.6 billion in 2000. However, mobile games groew very fast, it; their sales increased sharply and surpassed PC games in 2003 at around 7 billion dollars. Mobile games continued to increasing fast, ine rapidly, and by the end it, they sold more than 11 billion, very close to half the sales of video games. PC game sales only increase a litd slightley between 2000 toand 2006, from 5.4 billion to 6.9 billion. Theis increase iwas stable but very slow compared to the growth of video games and mobile games. In conclusion, video games hasd the most sales from the beginning to the end, but mobile games catchedught up very quickly. It is possible that mobile games will surpass video games in a few more years. PC games hasd the lowest sales in all years and did not greow much.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by summarizing the sales of different types of digital games over the specified period. Key strengths include a logical structure and the inclusion of relevant data. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing clarity and coherence, as well as correcting grammatical errors and expanding vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting verb forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement, as well as improving the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific yearly data and a deeper analysis of trends. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, 'In beginning, video game has highest sales...' could be rephrased for better coherence. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' would enhance the logical progression of ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('was sold' should be 'were sold') and incorrect verb forms ('keep increasing' should be 'kept increasing'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the errors detract from overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and includes several inaccuracies, such as 'grafic' instead of 'graphic' and 'catched up' instead of 'caught up.' There are also repetitive phrases like 'sales' and 'games.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct usage, such as 'digital game sales' or 'the sales figures for each type of game.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the sales of different types of digital games over the specified period. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in presenting the data, such as specific figures for each year and a more thorough analysis of trends. To improve, the writer could include more precise comparisons and trends, such as mentioning the exact years when significant changes occurred.
6.0

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