The benefits of a bilingual brain
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the topic of the benefits of being bilingual and presents relevant points. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each discussing a specific benefit. However, critical areas for improvement include the correct use of terminology, particularly the distinction between 'bilingual' and 'bilingualism,' and enhancing the clarity of the introduction and conclusion. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving subject-verb agreement, and ensuring proper pluralization. Additionally, transitions between ideas were smoothed out for better coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding vocabulary to avoid repetition and using more varied sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each discussing a specific benefit of being bilingual. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow. To improve, the writer should focus on linking ideas more effectively and ensuring a seamless progression of thoughts.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'many people is bilingualism') and incorrect forms (e.g., 'advantage' should be 'advantages'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the errors impact clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and review basic sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are repetitive phrases such as 'being bilingualism' and 'two languages.' The writer attempts to use some varied vocabulary, but the frequent misuse of terms detracts from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should expand their vocabulary and avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the topic of the benefits of being bilingual and provides relevant points. However, the use of 'bilingualism' as a noun is incorrect in several instances where 'bilingual' should be used. Additionally, the introduction could be clearer, and the conclusion could summarize the points more effectively. To improve, the writer should ensure correct terminology and enhance the clarity of the introduction and conclusion.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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