The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, many schools have the sports teams for the children to learn how to working together. In my opinion, I am agree with this statement alsond have several reasons behind it that will be explained in this essay. The main point why the team sports are good for young people is because itthat they help develop social skills and teach children how to be a part of thea group. When playing sports like soccker or basketball, each player is havehas a different role on the team but must work together forto winning the game. This experience teaches children how to cooperate with other peoples to achieve a common goal, which will being useful later in life, especially at work. Alsodditionally, by taking part in sports, kids can meeting new friends and build the strong relationships with them outside of the classroom. O Another reason is that sports activities improve the physical health of children and make them more active personindividuals. With good health and lots of energy, they will have better focus in class and be able to learning more effectively. AdditionallyFurthermore, exercise can being a stress reliever, so kids will fileel happier and willbe less likely to cause troubles or fights with each other, whatich makes the school enviromnment more positive. In conclussion, I believe that team sports play an importeant role in teaching children valuable lessons about cooperation and teamwork. ItThey also have many benefits for the their physical and mental welbl-being. Therefore, I am strongly agree that schools should encoureage students to participate in group sports activities as a part of their education.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion supporting the idea of teaching cooperation through team sports, which is a key strength. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and specific examples could enhance the argument. The structure is logical, but the use of cohesive devices needs improvement for better clarity and flow. The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling and word choice errors that detract from the overall quality. Grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb forms, also affect clarity. In the corrected version, I made changes to improve grammatical accuracy, spelling, and coherence. I added necessary linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and ensured that each paragraph had a clear topic sentence. For further improvement, the writer could include specific examples of how teamwork in sports translates to real-life situations, which would strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting grammatical structures would further enhance the essay. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, and some sentences lack clarity. For instance, phrases like 'this experience teach children how cooperate' could be better linked to the previous sentence for smoother transitions. Improving the use of linking words and phrases would enhance the overall coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('is have' should be 'has') and incorrect verb forms ('teach' should be 'teaches'). While the overall meaning is conveyed, the frequency of errors affects clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misused words, such as 'scools' instead of 'schools' and 'helth' instead of 'health.' Additionally, phrases like 'being stress reliver' should be corrected to 'stress reliever.' Expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting these errors would improve the score.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that supports the idea of teaching cooperation through team sports. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and some points could be elaborated further. For example, the essay could include specific examples of how teamwork in sports translates to real-life situations. Additionally, the introduction could be clearer in stating the position taken.
6.0

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