The biggest industry nowadays is international tourism. Knowing how people live their lives helps to understand their cultures, traditions, and beliefs. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? International tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. I agree that international tourism does not creates tension; rather, it helps to foster understanding among people from different cultures instead. First of all, when we travel to another country, we can learn about their culture and traditions. For example, when I went to Japan last year, I saw how polite and respectful Japanese people are. They always bow when they greet someone, and they never speak loudly in public places. This experience helped me to understand their culture better and appreciate it more. Secondly, international tourism also helps to break stereotypes and prejudices about other cultures. Many people have wrongmisguided ideas about other countries based on what they see in the media or movies. ButHowever, when they visit those countries and interact with local people, they often realize that their ideas were wrongincorrect. For instance, many people think that all Arabs are terrorists, but when they go to Arab countries and meet friendly and hospitable peopleindividuals there, they change their opinion. Furthermore, international tourism promotes peace and friendship between different nations. When people from differentvarious countries meet and interact with each other, they realizediscover that they have many things in common despite their differences. They learn to respect and appreciate each other's cultures and traditions. This leads to better understanding and cooperation between countries, which is very importantcrucial in today's globalized world. In conclusion, I strongly believe that international tourism creates understanding, not tension, between people from different cultures. It helps us to learn about other cultures, break stereotypes, and promote peace and friendship in the world. Therefore, we should encourage more people to travel to other countries and experience differentverse cultures.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that international tourism fosters understanding rather than tension. Key strengths include relevant examples and a logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb forms and article usage, as well as the need for more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors and improving transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating counterarguments to strengthen the argument and using a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow. Phrases like 'first of all' and 'secondly' are effective, but more varied linking words would improve cohesion.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'not creates tension' (should be 'does not create tension') and 'in world' (should be 'in the world'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. While the overall meaning is clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using more complex sentence structures would elevate the score.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. Phrases like 'break stereotypes' and 'promote peace and friendship' demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'understand their culture' and 'appreciate it more,' which could be varied for a richer lexical resource. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary would enhance the overall quality.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that international tourism fosters understanding rather than tension. The main ideas are developed with relevant examples, such as the author's experience in Japan and the discussion of stereotypes about Arabs. However, the argument could be strengthened by acknowledging potential counterarguments or providing more diverse examples to enhance depth.
7.5

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