The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart is showingpresents information about how families in a country spendedt their weekly income in 1968 and 2018. It gives uprovides details about the percentage of weekly income spendedt on different thing likecategories such as housing, food, transportation, healthcare, and other things. s. In 1968, families spent bigallocated the largest portion of their income ton food, which is about 35%. But in 2018accounted for approximately 35%. However, by 2018, the amount spent on food has beend decreased to 20% of total income. Amount spentConversely, expenditure on transportation and healthcare was relativerly low in 1968, but it has rised a lot in 2018, up torose significantly by 2018, reaching 20% and 10% respectively. Housing cost hasThe cost of housing remained almost the same, with smalla slight decline from 32% to 30%. OThe 'other' category has seen very bigexperienced a substantial increase, riseing from just 6% in 1968 to about 20% in 2018. This showindicates that people are now spending morea larger portion of theire income on things which are notnon-essential items rather than basic neccessities like food and housing. It indicates that overall Overall, this trend suggests that the quality of life and standard of leaiving hasve improved, as peopleindividuals have more dispensiosable income to spend on leisure and other activities. In conclusion, the chart clearly showing that there isillustrates a shift in the spending patterns of families from 1968 to 2018. Expenditure on food haves reduced, while spending on transportation, healthcare, and the 'others' category haves increased. Housing cost is almost remains have remained relatively constant over the period.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer effectively summarizes the main features of the chart and makes relevant comparisons between the two years. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. The original text contained several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and subject-verb agreement issues, which have been addressed in the corrected version. Additionally, the vocabulary used was somewhat repetitive and included spelling errors, which have been rectified. The structural changes made include enhancing the clarity of the introduction and ensuring that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Transition phrases have been added to improve the flow between ideas. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for improved flow. For example, the transition between discussing food and transportation could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main topic.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('families spent biggest portion'), incorrect verb forms ('spended'), and awkward constructions ('amount spent on food has been decreased'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the text.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'spending', 'income') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'spended', 'neccessities'). The writer demonstrates an ability to use some varied vocabulary, but to achieve a higher score, they should aim for more sophisticated word choices and avoid errors in spelling and word forms.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the chart and making relevant comparisons between 1968 and 2018. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, and there are minor inaccuracies, such as 'spended' instead of 'spent'. To improve, the writer could provide more specific data points and clearer comparisons, ensuring that all relevant categories are discussed.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."