The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, summarizing the main features of the bar graph and making some comparisons. Key strengths include the identification of trends and the overall structure of the essay. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in presenting data, coherence in the flow of ideas, and grammatical accuracy. Structural changes made include correcting verb forms, improving transitions, and ensuring proper spelling. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear transitions between points. To improve coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors (e.g., 'depict' should be 'depicts', 'eated' should be 'ate', 'its' should be 'it's'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'fastfoods', 'drammatically', 'intresting', 'datas') and some repetitive phrases. To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar graph and making some comparisons. However, it lacks clarity in presenting the data and does not fully develop the trends observed. For improvement, the writer should ensure that all key trends are clearly articulated and supported with specific data points.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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