The chart below shows the amount of money given to developing countries from five organizations from 2008 to 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The line graph shows informashtion about financeial aid from five different organizastions to countrys that developing countries from 2008 to 2011. It measures the money in millions of dollars. According to the graph, all of organizashtions increeased their aid during this period. In the beginning, the UN and EU gave arounprovided similear amounts of around 25 million dollars. The UN increased its aid gradually every year, reaching about 35 million in 2011. On the other hand, the EU jumped sharply in 2009 to over 50 million dollars before rising slowly to 55 million at the end of the period. The amount of money from the G8 and World Bank was much lower than that of the UN and EU in 2008, but they growedew quickly. The G8 gaved around 18 million dollars initially, but this amount was rireached nearly 40 million dollars by 2011. Similerarly, the World Bank's aid doubled, increasing from about 8 million dollars to 16 million dollars. In conclusion, the financial aids to developing countries from all organizashtions shows upward trends between 2008 and 2011. The EU consistaently provided the most aid, while the OECD giaves the least amount of money throughout the period.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task and presents relevant information regarding the financial aid trends. Key strengths of the essay include a clear attempt to summarize the main features of the graph and make comparisons between the organizations. The structure is generally appropriate, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies, which detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the analysis could be deepened by providing more specific figures and clearer trends. The transitions between points could also be improved for better coherence. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the flow of ideas between paragraphs. The introduction was slightly rephrased for clarity, and transitions were smoothed out. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and providing a more detailed overview of the trends observed in the graph. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are instances of unclear transitions between points, which affects the overall coherence. For example, the shift from discussing the UN to the EU could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences would enhance the clarity of the writing.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous errors in grammar and sentence construction (e.g., 'the amount of money from G8 and World Bank was much lower than UN and EU'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement, as well as correct use of articles.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'informashion', 'financel', 'organizashions', 'increesed', 'similer') that detract from the overall quality. While some varied vocabulary is present, the frequent repetition of certain terms (e.g., 'aid', 'million dollars') indicates a limited lexical range. To improve, the writer should focus on using synonyms and ensuring correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making some comparisons. However, it lacks depth in analysis and does not fully explore the trends or provide a clear overview of the data. To improve, the writer could include more specific figures and a clearer summary of the overall trends.
5.5

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