The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In tThe chart, we can see for consumer goods in 2010 how much money was spended by two countrys. The first thing that is illustrates the expenditure on consumer goods in 2010 by two countries, Turkey and Ireland. The first noticable is Turkey has spended muchobservation is that Turkey spent significantly more on all items than Ireland in this year, except for photographic film, which theyere both countries spendedt equal amounts. If we looking closer to the details, for most of photographic equipments Turkey has spended about Upon closer examination of the details, Turkey allocated approximately 80,000 units of theirits currency. Only f on most photographic equipment. For camera accessories, they spended a little more, 100,000 units. This is the oposite foris expenditure was slightly higher, at 100,000 units. In contrast, Ireland, which spendedt only around 30,000 units on most categorys likeies, such as camera,s and tripods/lenses, but a little bit higher 50,000 forllocated a slightly higher amount of 50,000 units for camera accessories of camera. In conclusoion, the chart clearly showindicates that Turkey is a country which like to spend alot more for thisthat tends to spend considerably more on these types of items to compare withd to Ireland. The reason could be maybe Turky has moreis discrepancy may be attributed to Turkey's larger population or people tha greatere preferingence for these goods than Irish peoples, but we cannot know for sure without more iamong its citizens, although further information would be required to confoirmation this. It willould also be interesting to look alsoexamine how these sexpendingstures have changed in more recent years like, such as 2015 or 2020.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, effectively describing the expenditure patterns of Turkey and Ireland in 2010. Key strengths include a clear identification of the main trends and a logical structure. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data points and a clearer overview of the overall trends observed in the chart. Structural changes made include enhancing the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting spelling and grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is generally appropriate for an academic context, but it could benefit from a more formal style in certain phrases.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. There are some logical connections, but the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, phrases like 'the first thing that is noticeable' could be replaced with more formal transitions. Improving the organization of paragraphs and ensuring each idea logically follows the previous one would enhance coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and pluralization (e.g., 'countrys' should be 'countries', 'categorys' should be 'categories'). Sentence structures are mostly simple, with limited variety. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of grammatical structures and ensure accuracy in verb forms and subject-verb agreement.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'spended' should be 'spent', 'noticable' should be 'noticeable', 'curency' should be 'currency'). Additionally, the use of phrases like 'like to spend a lot more' is informal. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and avoiding repetition.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the expenditure of Turkey and Ireland on consumer goods in 2010. However, it lacks specific data points and comparisons that would enhance the analysis. To improve, the writer should include more precise figures and a clearer summary of the overall trends observed in the chart.
5.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The table below gives information about consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.