"The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart is showing amounts the number of males and females in further education oin Britain for 3three periods, aind ificating whether they are learning full-time or part-time. It can be seen that for all periods and both full-time and part-time education, the number of womansen is more than mans. greater than that of men. Additionally, part-time education haves more students of both genders compared to full-time education for all periods. In 1970/71, for full-time education, theire were around 50 thousand mansen and 50 thousands womaen. For part-time education, the amount was much higher, approximately 580 thousand maen and 700,000 thousand womaen studied part-time. The pattern wereas similar in 1980/81, with slightly more mansen and womaen in both full-time and part-time education. In full-time education, the number of womaen becoame higher than mathat of men, but for part-time education, the amount of mansen and womansen remained almost the same. The most significeant change happened in the 1990/91 period. NThe number of both mansen and womens increased greatly in both full-time and part-time education. For full-time education, the amount of female students was around 100 thousands, much higher compared to male students, which was around 70,000 thousand. Similarly, in part-time education, the number of female students was almost 1.2 million, significantly higher than male students at about 1 million. Overall, it can be concluded that over the three time periods, the number of students of both genders haves increased for both full-time and part-time further education in Britain. The rise is more significant for womanen, as they outnumber mens in both full-time and part-time education by the 1990/91 period.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the chart and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear overview of trends. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and plural forms, as well as the use of precise language. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity, and ensuring proper use of singular and plural forms. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include enhancing vocabulary variety and using more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, 'the pattern were similar' should be 'the pattern was similar.' To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are frequent errors, including subject-verb agreement ('the pattern were similar') and incorrect plural forms ('womans' and 'mans'). These errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and ensure correct usage of singular and plural forms.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'womans' instead of 'women' and 'mans' instead of 'men.' The use of terms like 'significantly' and 'approximately' shows some range, but the writer should aim for more varied vocabulary to enhance the overall quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the chart and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and contains inaccuracies, such as 'amount of males and females' instead of 'number of males and females.' To improve, the writer should ensure precise language and provide clearer comparisons between the periods.
6.5

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