The chart below shows the number of three types of visitors to a museum between 1997 and 2012.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart is illustrates the quantity of three kindtypes of visitors who came to a museum from 1997 to 2012. Therse isnclude students and children, adults, and school tours. The vertical line tellaxis represents the number of visitors and, while the horizontal lineaxis shows the years from 1997 to 2012. In the beginning of 1997, only almost 40,000 adults visited the museum. The adult number of adults increased slowly until, and by 2012, it reached around 80,000 visitors. For school tours, ithe figure started at almost 50,000 in 1997, then it drops a litped slightley in 2002 before growing fastrapidly to over 100,000 visitors by 2012 end. Thethe end of 2012. The number of students and children startbegan at 100,000 visitors in 1997 and keepcontinued to increase steadily to almost 160,000 in lastthe final year, 2012. Overall, the most numerous visitors everyach year are the students and children. It increase steadily all the time. Adult is, who show a steady increase throughout the period. Adults represent the least number of visitors, but itheir numbers growing slowly over the years. The school tour have up and down but increase a lot in the end to becoms exhibit fluctuations but ultimately increase significantly, becoming the second biglargest visitor group by the end of the period.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by describing the trends in visitor numbers over the specified period. Key strengths include a clear structure and the inclusion of relevant data points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity in phrasing, and enhancing coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures and expanding the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone is appropriate for an academic report, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents a logical sequence of ideas, but the use of cohesive devices is limited. Phrases like 'In beginning 1997' and 'the school tour have up and down' could be improved for clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly, such as 'In contrast' or 'Additionally.'
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the adult number increased slowly'), incorrect verb forms ('it reach'), and awkward constructions ('it drops a little'). While the overall meaning is conveyed, these errors detract from the clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, with terms like 'visitor' and 'increase' appearing multiple times. There are also some inaccuracies, such as 'the quantity of three kind visitor.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms, such as 'types of visitors' or 'categories of attendees.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the trends in visitor numbers over the specified period. However, it lacks clarity in some areas, such as the phrasing of 'three kind visitor' and 'the adult number increased slowly.' To improve, the writer should ensure accurate terminology and provide a more detailed analysis of the data, including specific figures and comparisons.
5.0

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