The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The illustrateion provides the informations about the percentage of peoples in the United Kingdom who consumed 5five paortions of fruits and vegietables each day between the years 2001 &and 2008. The overall trends was upward over the period, although there awere some fluctuations in betweenthe intervening years. In 2001, just around 22% ate the recommmended amount of five-a-day. The rate increased to approximatively 24% by 2002. It remained steady at 24 percent until 2003. From 2004, the percentage go uprose significantly, to roughly 25% and continued to rise further to about 27% in 2005 year. After stagnating at 27% for two years until 2007, the figure peaked at its highest point in the final year, 2008, when it reached almost 28% of the population eating 5five portions of fruits &and vegetables every day. In summary, while starting from a relatively low base in the early 2000s, by the end of the period shown in the graph, more than 1/4a quarter of people in the UK were consuming the suggested 5five paortsions of fresh produce daily, marking a noteable improvement in public nutrition over the 8eight years. However, even then, the majority still failed to achieve this important dietary goal, and more work remains to be done by health authorities and individuals themselfves.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the data on fruit and vegetable consumption in the UK from 2001 to 2008. Key strengths include a clear identification of trends and the inclusion of relevant data points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and coherence. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity in phrasing, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures more significantly and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic report, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some coherence, but the organization of ideas could be improved. There are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear transitions, which affect the overall flow. For example, the phrase 'the overall trends was up over the period' could be rephrased for clarity. To enhance cohesion, the writer should use more varied cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('trends was up'), incorrect verb forms ('go up signifantly'), and awkward constructions. While the writer attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, the frequent errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and practicing more complex sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and includes several inaccuracies, such as 'informations' and 'vegi.' There are also repetitive phrases like 'five portions' and 'percent.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure that terms are used correctly. Incorporating synonyms and more sophisticated expressions would enhance the lexical resource score.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the data on fruit and vegetable consumption in the UK from 2001 to 2008. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data and could benefit from more precise language and a clearer overview. For improvement, the writer should focus on providing a more structured summary of the trends and key figures, ensuring that all relevant data points are clearly articulated.
6.0

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