The chart below shows the percentage of the world population in four countries from 1950 to 2000, with projections until 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart illustrates how the percentage of the world population changes in four countries betweenfrom 1950 to 2050. It can be clearly seen that the proportion of the global population in China and India is much higher than in the USA and Indonesia over the entire period. In 1950, China accounted for around 22% of the world's population, but this figure is expected to decrease significantly to just over 15% by 2050. The percentage for India was lower than that of China in 1950 at about 15%,; however, it is projected to surpass China by 2050, accounting for roughly 17% of the global population. OIn the other handcontrast, the proportions of the world population in the USA and Indonesia were relatively small in 1950, at around 6% and 3% respectively. While the percentage for the USA is estimated to remain relatively stable at 4% by 2050, Indonesia's share is predicted to increase slightly to approximately 4% over the same period. In conclusionsummary, China and India had the largest proportions of the world population during the given period, but India is projected to overtake China by 2050. The percentages for the USA and Indonesia were much lower in comparison and are expected to remain relatively unchanged by 2050. This indicates a significant shift in population dynamics, particularly highlighting India's rise in global population share.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the chart, highlighting the changes in population percentages for China, India, the USA, and Indonesia. Key strengths include a clear presentation of data and relevant comparisons, particularly noting India's expected rise over China. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing coherence through better transitions between discussions of different countries and reducing repetition of phrases. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity and adjusting the conclusion to be more concise while summarizing key trends. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary further to avoid repetition and refining some awkward constructions for clarity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices such as 'on the other hand' and 'in conclusion' helps to guide the reader. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the overall coherence, such as providing clearer transitions between the discussion of different countries.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing displays a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'between 1950 to 2050' which should be 'from 1950 to 2050', and some awkward constructions that could be refined for clarity. Overall, the grammatical accuracy is strong, but slight improvements in sentence structure could elevate the score.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'accounted for', 'proportion', and 'projected' demonstrating a good range. However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'percentage of world population' and 'by 2050', which could be varied to enhance lexical richness. For example, using synonyms or rephrasing could improve this aspect.
7.5
Task Achievement
The response effectively summarizes the main features of the chart, highlighting the changes in population percentages for China, India, the USA, and Indonesia. It provides relevant comparisons and projections, particularly noting India's expected rise over China. However, the conclusion could be more concise and focused on the key trends without reiterating previously mentioned details.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."