The chart below shows the percentage of total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Percent of total Population Age 65 and Over between 1900 to 2000 in the USA

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph illustrates the ratio of elderly people aged 65 years or higher in the Unitedd s States between 1900 and 2000. From the graafph, it is evident that the poroportion of the population over 65 age increase graduallygradually increased over the century. in the In 1900, the percentage of people 65 yaeraged 65 or higher was only someabout 4% of the total population. tThis number remain stayed low and stable untill 1930. butHowever, from the next decade onwards, the paercentage of those aged 65 and over started to increasinge more quiker. it up tockly, reaching about 8% at around 1950. After 1950 year, the elderly poppulation ratio continued roto rise through the second haflf of twentyhe twentieth centuary. By the 2000, those people over 65 age take up aboutaged 65 and over accounted for approximately 12.5% of the totall population in the US. tThis is the triplfigure is three times the paercent in startage at the beginning of 1900. In conclusion, the proportion of athe American population who olaged 65 years or more has been rising up gradually from 1900 to 2000. alAlthough the rate was still low in the earlier years, but it ascended more steeply after 1930 and reached its highest level atby the ending of the centuary. The percentage of those aged over 65 in 2000 is 3three times that inof 1900.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, summarising the main trends in the data effectively. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data points and comparisons to enhance the analysis. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors detract from the overall quality, and the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better flow. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing transitions between sentences. For further improvement, the writer could incorporate more varied vocabulary and ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and there are issues with linking phrases and cohesive devices. For example, transitions between sentences could be smoother. To improve, the writer should use more cohesive devices to connect ideas logically.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and sentence structure (e.g., 'the percentage of people 65 yaer or high was only some 4%'). These errors affect the clarity of the message. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'Unitedd', 'graaf', 'porportion', 'yaer', 'poppulation', 'quiker', 'haff', 'centuary', 'allthough', 'ascend') that detract from the overall quality. The writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to enhance clarity and sophistication.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main trends in the data, specifically the increase in the percentage of the population aged 65 and over from 1900 to 2000. However, it lacks specific data points and comparisons that would enhance the analysis. To improve, the writer should include more precise figures and comparisons between different years.
5.0

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