The chart below shows the proportion of male and female students studying six art-related subjects at a UK university in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph describes whatthe percentage of male and womanfemale arts students who choses different subjects at one university in the United Kingdom university oin 2011. It can be clearly seen that history of art and design have the most studensts, while music, drama, and fine art attract lessfewer people. Also, thedditionally, females oin aevery area outweight the males, exceptt for architectural studyies. OIn history of art, over 90% of students beingare females compared to below 10% beingwho are manle. This seems to be the most popular subjekct for women, while only a few men likes it. Design also haves more womaen than manen, but the differentce is smaller, with around 70% womaen and 30% maen studying. NThe next subjekcts have more similar proportieons of maen and women. Fiene arts has thean equal number of malen and womenfemale stududents at 50% each approximately 50% each. In music, there is bitare slightly more females at around 55% than males, whos are at 45% or so. Drama is preferred by females, with roughly 60% copmpared to 40% manles. Finally, architecture haves more manles than females, but it is also close to equal, with about 55% males and 45% womanfemale students O. In conclusion, womanfemale students clearly prefered to study history of arts and dedsign, while men peursue architecture a bit more. The other subject havs are closed to equal, but still have higher percentages of females, except for fine arts.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task and presents relevant data regarding male and female students in various subjects. Key strengths include a clear attempt to summarize the main features of the graph and make comparisons. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in expression, grammatical accuracy, and spelling. The structural changes made involved correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence, and ensuring accurate vocabulary usage. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include enhancing the range of vocabulary and using more cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. For example, phrases like 'this seems to be most popular subjekt for women' could be better integrated into the overall narrative. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('design also have more woman than man') and incorrect word forms ('woman' should be 'women'). To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensuring that sentences are well-formed.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'studets', 'subjekts', 'exept') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'more woman than man'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to enhance clarity and professionalism.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the chart and making comparisons between male and female students in various subjects. However, the writing lacks clarity in some areas and contains inaccuracies, such as 'on avery area outwight the males' which could be more clearly expressed. To improve, the writer should focus on providing clearer comparisons and ensuring that all statements are accurate and relevant to the data presented.
5.0

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