The chart below shows the results of a survey of people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graphs is showing information about how many people in 5five cityies of Australia buy and draink coffee and tea. It showpresents the data in percentages for each city. Overall, more people buy coffee than tea, and even more people drink coffee compared to tea. In detail, the percentage of people who buying coffee areis highest in Sydney and Melbourne, at around 65% or more. W, while the lowest percentage is in Adelaide, which is just over 35%. For tea, the highest perscentage of people who bought it is in Adelaide at about 55%, and the lowwest is in Sydney at around 35%. When looking at the percentage of people who druink coffee and tea, the pattern is similiar to the buying habits. Sydney and Melbourne have the most highest percentage of people who drank coffee at over 70%, andwhile Adelaide haves the lowest at around 40%. For tea, the most people who drinked it isare in Adelaide, at nearly 60%, and Sydney haves the least at about 30%. In conclusion, the buying and drinking habits for coffee and tea are very different between the 5five cities in Australia. In general, more people in Sydney and Melbourne preferred coffee, while more people in Adelaide like tea moreprefer tea.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the survey results regarding coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Key strengths include a clear overall comparison between coffee and tea preferences and a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in presenting data, correcting spelling errors, and enhancing grammatical accuracy. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence by removing redundancy, and ensuring proper use of percentages. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and using more cohesive devices for smoother transitions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For example, phrases like 'the most highest percentage' are redundant. Using more cohesive devices and clearer transitions between ideas would enhance the overall clarity.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('the graphs is showing'), incorrect verb forms ('buying', 'drank', 'drinked'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'persentage', 'lowwest', 'similiar', 'drinked') that detract from the overall quality. The writer uses some varied vocabulary, but there is repetition of phrases like 'percent of people who' which could be replaced with synonyms or rephrased for variety. Expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting spelling errors would improve this score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the survey results regarding coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. However, it lacks some clarity and detail in presenting the data, and there are minor inaccuracies in the interpretation of the percentages. To improve, the writer could provide clearer comparisons and ensure that all data points are accurately represented.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."