The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995 to 2002.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart is showing how manyllustrates the number of minutes ofspent on telephone calling separats, categorised into 3 type of callsthree types: local, national, and international calls in the UK from year 1995 to year 2002. ItThe data is measured in billion minutes. First thing the char show is local call always was The first notable point is that local calls were consistently the most popular among the 3 type in allthree types throughout the years shown. ItThey begian at around 70 billions minutes in 1995 and was, growing a little bit everyslightly each year, and reached a peak in year 2000 at nearly 90 billions minutes. After that it decreased to aroundis peak, there was a decline to approximately 80 billions minute in lasts by the final year, 2002. On other hand In contrast, national and international calls has theexhibited a similar pattern to each other. The nNational callings startsed at 37 billions in year 1995 and minutes in 1995, while international startcalls began much lower at only 5 billion minutes. Both of the call type watypes of calls increasinged slowly and steady andily, reaching theyir highest points in the final year, 2002. National calls end uped at 61 billions minutes and, while international call ats reached 11 billions minutes. To summarise, the local calls in the UK alwaysconsistently dominated compare withd to national and international calls. ThWhile local calls rise and fall down butexperienced fluctuations, national and international call keep going ups continued to rise throughout the time frame. AlthoughDespite the increases in national and international increase calls during this period, theyir number still muchs remained significantly lower than theose of local call numbers.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarising the data presented in the chart. Key strengths include a logical structure and the identification of trends in the data. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and the use of varied vocabulary. The introduction was refined to clearly state the categories of calls, and transitions were improved for better flow. Suggestions for further improvement include enhancing vocabulary range and ensuring grammatical accuracy throughout the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. There are some awkward transitions, such as 'On other hand,' which should be 'On the other hand.' The use of cohesive devices is limited, and the organization of information could be clearer. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more varied linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement issues ('has the similar pattern'), incorrect verb forms ('was growing'), and missing articles ('the local calls in the UK always dominated compare with'). These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as '3 type of calls' and 'the char show.' The use of terms like 'dominated' and 'peak' is effective, but the writer could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more precise language to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the data presented in the chart, but it lacks clarity in some areas. For example, the introduction could be more precise in stating the categories of calls. Additionally, the conclusion could better reflect the overall trends rather than just comparing local calls to national and international calls. To improve, the writer should ensure that all key trends are clearly articulated and that the introduction succinctly outlines the categories.
6.0

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