The chart given shows the number of traveler railway trips in Great Britain from 1950 to 2005.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart is showingllustrates the number of passenger rail traveljourneys in Great Britain between the years 1950 and 2005. In year 1950, the number ifigure was at a high point, around 1,000 million travellers. After that, the number keepspt decreasing over the next 3three decades until it reachesd a low point in 1980 at aroundpproximately 600 million only. This decreaseing trend continued for a few more years until the middle of the 1990s. However, starting from around 1995, the number of passenger railway travel number starts journeys began to increasinge again. It keep going upcontinued to rise steadily over the next decade. By 2005, it reachesd almost the same level as in 1950, which iwas approximately 1,000 million traveller again. s once more. In summary, railway travel popularity in Great Britain experienced a declineing trend for many decades since 1950, but it recovered back to its original high level by 2005 due to steady growth in the last decade. The reasons for this change in trend could be manyinclude various factors, such as improved railway services, an increased population, or changeding travel preferences.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the key trends in passenger rail travel in Great Britain from 1950 to 2005, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task. Key strengths include a logical structure and a coherent flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data points and a more detailed analysis of the reasons behind the trends. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing vocabulary variety, and improving transitions between sentences. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more precise figures and a broader range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents a logical sequence of ideas, but the transitions between sentences could be smoother. For instance, phrases like 'after that' and 'however' are used, but more varied cohesive devices could enhance the flow. To improve coherence, the writer could use linking words more effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'the number is at high point' (should be 'the number was at a high point') and 'this decrease trend continue' (should be 'this decreasing trend continued'). To improve, the writer should focus on correcting these errors and using a greater variety of sentence structures.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'number' and 'traveler.' Additionally, phrases like 'high point' and 'low point' could be replaced with more sophisticated synonyms. To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the key trends in the chart regarding railway travel in Great Britain from 1950 to 2005. However, it lacks specific data points and a more detailed analysis of the reasons behind the trends. To improve, the writer could include more precise figures and a clearer explanation of the factors influencing the changes in travel numbers.
7.0

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