The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The given chart illustrates how many hours Chinese, American, Turkish, and Brazilian tourists averagely spent on leisure activities per day during their holiday in Greece, in August 2019. According to the chart, it can be clearly seen that, on average, Brazilian tourists spent the most hours on leisure activities everyach day, at around 6 hours. The American tourists are atranked second in terms of hours spendt on leisure, at approximately 5.5 hours per day. In comparison, Chinese tourists and Turkish tourists spent less time on leisurely activities, with around 3 and 2.5 hours respectively. In summary, from the chart we can concludeindicates that Brazilian and aAmerican tourists spent significantly more time engaged in leisure activities each day while holidaying in Greece compared to Chinese and tTurkish tourists, whicho spent less than half those hours on averagely. The differences between each nationality group isare quite large in terms of leisure time investment.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the data presented in the chart, identifying key trends and comparisons among the different nationalities, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as enhancing the use of cohesive devices and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors and improving the flow between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific data points and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced. For instance, phrases like 'in comparison' and 'in summary' are used, but more varied linking words could improve the overall coherence. Additionally, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The grammatical structures used are generally accurate, with a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are minor errors, such as 'at second in terms of hours spend' which should be 'spent' and 'turkish' which should be capitalized. These errors slightly detract from the overall accuracy and fluency.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with terms like 'leisure activities' and 'holiday' being relevant. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'spent' and 'hours,' which could be varied. Incorporating synonyms or more sophisticated expressions could enhance the lexical range.
7.5
Task Achievement
The response effectively addresses the task by summarizing the data presented in the chart. It identifies the key trends and comparisons among the different nationalities. However, it could be improved by providing more specific data points and a clearer conclusion that encapsulates the overall findings more succinctly.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."