The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart is showingllustrates data about one Asian nation and how manythe percentage of females and males washo succeed when doed ing the driving exam in period from 1980 to 2010. From lookexamining athe data, it is clear that in all the years, morea higher percentage of mens passed the driving test compared to womens. Both genders haveexperienced an increase in passing rates over the 30-years period, but male haves showed a much biglarger improvement. In 1980, only 40% of men are passed the driving exam, but this percent go up a lot to over 80% passed in 2010 at endage rose significantly to over 80% by 2010. For womaen, 1980the passing numberrate in 1980 was very low, at around 30% only. And even tho it also get higher. Although this figure also increased by 2010, still only arboundt 50% of women who takook the test are pass it. Sopassed. Consequently, the gap between men and women get wider widened during this time. In summary, weit can be seen that mens haved a much greater success rate on driving tests than womaen based on this information from a country in Asia between 1980 toand 2010. The difference in passing rates is groew over those years.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the data presented in the chart. Key strengths include the identification of trends and the overall structure of the response. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more precise figures and clearer comparisons between genders. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity in phrasing, and enhancing coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and more sophisticated expressions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear transitions, which affect the overall coherence. For example, the phrase 'both genders have increase passing rate' could be rephrased for clarity. To enhance cohesion, the writer could use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('mens pass' should be 'men pass') and incorrect verb forms ('was succeed' should be 'succeeded'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct verb forms.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward word choices, such as 'more higher percent' and 'get higher by 2010.' The use of terms like 'improvement' and 'success' is good, but the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the data presented in the chart, highlighting the trends in passing rates for both genders. However, it lacks specific details and clarity in some areas, such as the exact percentages and the overall context of the data. To improve, the writer should include more precise figures and a clearer comparison between the genders throughout the years.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."