The charts below show the average consumption of three nutrients by adults in the UK. All of these nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graphs is showing information about how much adult people in United Kingdom consuming of 3 different nutrition on averagethe average consumption of three different nutrients by adults in the United Kingdom. The 3three nutrients, which can being unhealthy when eat too muchconsumed in excessive amounts, are fat, saturated fat, and added sugar. Firstly, the consumption of fats is around the samremained relatively stable from the 1900s to the 1970s, it maintain oning approximately 100 grams per day during this period. After the 1970s, it increase quickly andd rapidly, reacheding a peak atof 140g grams per day in the 1980s. Then fat intake starting toSubsequently, fat intake began a downward trend, decreasing trend down to less than 100 grams per day inby 2000. Secondly, saturated fat consumption iwas quite stable and low at firstinitially, from the 1900s to the 1940s. It haveexperienced a sharp increase after the 1940s up, rising to around 50g grams per day in the 1980s. Similar withto fats, the intake of saturated fat is declined after theits peak, falling to about 30 grams per day in the 2000s. Lastly, the intake of added sugar nutrient is also stayalso remained stable at the beginning, from the 1900s to the 1940s, remain at 80 grams per day during these years. Sugar consumption then growing fast and reachew rapidly, reaching its highest point atof 120g grams per day in the 1970s. However, it dropped quickly toback to the original level atof 80 grams per day inby 2000. In summary, all of the 3three unhealthy nutrients show a similar trend in UK adults average consumption among UK adults over the century. They are maintained at constant low level at firstinitially, then rapidly riose to a peak around the 1970s or 1980s. After reaching their peaks, their intakes is decreasinged again in the later years.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the trends in nutrient consumption among UK adults, which is a key strength. The introduction clearly states the topic, and the body paragraphs provide a logical sequence of information. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and lexical variety. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow between points. Structural changes included correcting grammatical errors and improving clarity in the introduction and body paragraphs. Further improvements could involve incorporating more varied vocabulary and refining the transitions between ideas. The tone is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents a logical sequence of ideas, but the transitions between points could be improved. Phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Lastly,' are used, but the overall flow feels somewhat disjointed. More varied cohesive devices and clearer connections between sentences would enhance coherence. For instance, using linking words to show contrast or comparison could improve the flow.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('is showing' should be 'shows') and incorrect verb forms ('can being' should be 'can be'). There are also awkward constructions, such as 'it maintain on approximately 100 grams.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetition, such as 'nutrient' and 'consumption.' The use of 'maintain,' 'increase,' and 'decrease' is correct, but the essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. For example, using synonyms for 'increase' and 'decrease' could enhance lexical variety.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the trends in nutrient consumption among UK adults. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and could benefit from more precise data references. For example, stating specific figures for each nutrient at the beginning and end of the periods discussed would enhance the response. Additionally, the introduction could be more concise and directly related to the charts.
6.0

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