The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the charts and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear overview of the trends presented in the data. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity and accuracy in language use, particularly in spelling and grammar. The writer should focus on correcting spelling errors and improving sentence structure to enhance overall clarity. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to create a smoother flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting phrases for better coherence, such as changing 'At the another hand' to 'On the other hand,' and ensuring that the introduction accurately reflects the content of the graphs. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more specific data points and varied vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource score. Additionally, varying sentence structures would demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout the essay.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. Phrases like 'At the another hand' should be corrected to 'On the other hand' for better cohesion. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance the logical progression of ideas. For example, using linking words to connect sentences more effectively would help.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are multiple errors in sentence structure and verb forms (e.g., 'can be seeing,' 'decrease by around 40 hours peer week'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement, as well as varying sentence structures to demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'raido,' 'percenteges,' 'aplliances') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'amount of time spent on housework'). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. Incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions would enhance the lexical resource score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the charts and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and contains inaccuracies, such as 'the changed in ownership' instead of 'the change in ownership.' To improve, the writer should ensure that all statements are clear and accurate, and they could provide more specific data points to strengthen their analysis.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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