The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The given diagrams illustrates the primary motivations for education among pupils of various ages, as well as the level of assistance they getreceive from their companieemployers. It can be clearly seen that career goals and interest are the top reasons across all age ranges, while employer support decreases with age. Looking at the first graph more closely, it is evident that both career and interest are consistently the most common reasons for studying, at around 80% each for those under 26 years olds. Interest becomes slightly more prevalent among 26-29 year olds and remains the dominant factor for those over 30. OIn The other handcontrast, studying for career reasons drops significantly with age to just 40% for the oldest group. The proportion of students studying to change their employment stays relatively stable at 10-20%. Turning to the second chart, we can see that employer support is highest for the youngest students at nearly 70%. It Ddrops noticeably for 26-29 year olds to around 30% before declining further to just over 20% for those in their 30s. Overall, this suggests that younger pupils tend to have more backing from their companieemployers. In summary, the data indicates that career aspirations and personal interest are the major drivers for education at all ages, but career motivations becomes less important for older students. At the same time, employer support decreases steadily with age. IFurthermore, improving eEnglish communication skills areis very important for achieving academic and professional success in today's globalized world.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main motivations for education and the level of employer support across different age groups. Key strengths include a clear structure and appropriate vocabulary usage. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data points from the charts to enhance clarity, smoother transitions between contrasting ideas, and a reduction in repetitive phrases. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the flow of ideas, and ensuring consistent terminology. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating exact percentages for each age group and varying cohesive devices more extensively. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining formality and clarity throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother. For instance, the phrase 'On the other hand' could be better integrated to enhance the flow between contrasting ideas. Using more varied cohesive devices would also improve the overall coherence.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The grammatical structures used are generally accurate, with a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are minor errors, such as 'illustrates' instead of 'illustrate' in the opening sentence and inconsistent capitalization (e.g., 'The' in 'On The other hand'). These issues slightly detract from the overall accuracy and fluency.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'motivations,' 'proportion,' and 'aspirations' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'career reasons' and 'employer support,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, the phrase 'improving English communication skills' at the end seems slightly off-topic.
7.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main reasons for study and the level of employer support across different age groups. However, it could improve by providing more specific data points from the charts to enhance clarity and relevance. For example, including exact percentages for each age group would strengthen the analysis.
7.5

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