The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The charts illustrates how water is usinged in six different regions globally, with the main usage being for agricultural, industrial, and domestic purposes. Overall, the highest water usage is for agriculture in all of the regions except for North America and Europe, where industry consumes the most water. In four areas of the world, specifically South America, Africa, Central Asia, and Southeast Asia, agriculture consumes the vast majority of water, accounting for 71%, 88%, 91%, and 81% respectively. On the other hand, water consumption for industry and domestic use in these region ares is much lower. Industry consumes only 10% to 20% of the water in these areas, and domestic usage areis even lower, ranging from just 4% to 19%. In contrast, North America and Europe haveexhibit a different pattern of water usage. Industry is the dominant consumer of water in these developed areas, utilizing 48% of the water in North America and 53% in Europe. Agriculture still consumes a significant portion of water in these regions, accounting for 39% in North America and 32% in Europe, while domestic usage makes up the smallest share at around 13% to 15% in both region.s. To conclude, agriculturale is the primary consumer of water in most areas globally, but in North America and Europe, industrial usage dominates. Domestic water consumption is consistently the lowest across all regions, never exceeding 19% of total water usage.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the charts and makes relevant comparisons between different regions, demonstrating a good understanding of the task. Key strengths include a clear structure and appropriate vocabulary. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing coherence with smoother transitions and addressing grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical inaccuracies and ensuring proper pluralization and verb forms. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to improve coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing agricultural use and industrial use could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'in addition' or 'furthermore,' would enhance the overall cohesion.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing displays a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors that affect clarity, such as 'illustrates how water is using' instead of 'illustrates how water is used.' Additionally, there are minor issues with subject-verb agreement, such as 'industry consume' instead of 'industry consumes.' Addressing these errors would enhance the grammatical accuracy.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with terms like 'dominant consumer' and 'vast majority' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'water usage' and 'consumes,' which could be varied. Incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions would improve the lexical resource score.
7.5
Task Achievement
The response effectively summarizes the main features of the charts and makes relevant comparisons between different regions. However, it could be improved by providing more specific data points and clearer distinctions between the regions. For example, mentioning the exact percentages for domestic use in North America and Europe would enhance clarity.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."