The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The pie charts illustrates what the students from the UK who graduated and postgraduated doid after they finisheding college in 2008 if they did not getsecure a full-time job. It is clear that the main activities for both graduates and postgraduates are part-time work or voluntary work. For graduate students, the most popular choice is part-time work, with 29.,665 graduates chooseing to do this. Voluntary work is the second most popular activitiesy for graduates, aswith 17.,735 of graduate dos engaging in voluntary work. The third onemost common activity is go traveling, with around 12,000 graduates decideding to travel. Fewer graduates dopursue other activities after college if they cannot find a full-time job. For students who donecompleted postgraduate degrees, 16.,235 go toengage in voluntary work, thismaking ist the most common activity for them,. The second most common choice is part-time work, with 15.,660 postgraduate choose its opting for this. Interestingly, only 7.,44 go0 postgraduates choose to traveling, twhisch is twice lower thansignificantly lower than the number of graduates gwho traveling. It mean. This indicates that postgraduates prefer voluntary work thanover travelling after college compare withd to graduates. In conclusion, part-time working and voluntary works are the two most common thingactivities for both graduates and postgraduates students to do when they don' not have a full-time job after finishing their college in 2008 in UK. butthe UK. However, there are some differences in the preferences between graduates and postgraduates regarding other activities they would domight pursue.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the pie charts and making relevant comparisons between graduate and postgraduate students. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure and a clear identification of the main activities. The use of data is present, and the overall message is conveyed. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing clarity in presenting figures and percentages, as well as improving grammatical accuracy and coherence. The use of cohesive devices could be increased to better connect ideas. Structural changes made include rephrasing awkward sentences for clarity, correcting grammatical errors, and ensuring proper presentation of numerical data. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhancing the sophistication of language used. Additionally, the writer could benefit from practicing more complex sentence structures to improve grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For example, phrases like 'the third one is go traveling' could be rephrased to 'the third most common activity is traveling.' Using more cohesive devices would enhance the connection between ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions throughout the essay, such as 'illustrates what the students from UK who graduated and postgraduated do' and 'this is twice lower than graduates go traveling.' These errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement, as well as correct use of tenses.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'the most popular choice is part-time work' and 'the second most popular activities.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the language.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the pie charts and making comparisons between graduate and postgraduate students. However, the explanation lacks clarity in some areas, such as the exact figures and percentages, which could be more accurately presented. To improve, the writer should ensure that all data is clearly stated and comparisons are more explicitly drawn.
6.5

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