The charts show male and female fitness memberships between 1970 and 2000.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The given charts illustrates how many males and females have fitness center memberships from 1970 to 2000. It is evident that membership numbers increased steadily over the period for both genders, with female members overtaking male members by the end. In 1970, only around 500 males and even fewer females, approximately 200, had gym subscriptions. Over the following decade to 1980, the numbers rose gradually to about 800 men and 500 women. The upwards trend continued, and by 1990, males reached 1,800 members while females also grew but at a slightly lower rate to around 1,000. However, in the final 10 years to 2000, there was a dramatic rise in women joining gyms, with their number shooting up to 3,000, surpassing the male members at 2,500. In summary, although historically more males than females had fitness memberships, by 2000 the numbers had reversed, and there were significantly greatermore women than men. The overall trends were increasing for both genders, with memberships becoming much more common by the end of the period.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the key trends in fitness memberships for both genders over the specified period, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task. Key strengths include a logical organization of ideas and the use of cohesive devices that aid in the flow of information. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and the correction of minor grammatical errors. Structural changes made include correcting 'illustrates' to 'illustrate' and adding 'a' before 'slightly lower rate' for grammatical accuracy. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific percentages or more detailed data points to enhance the analysis and using a wider range of synonyms to improve lexical variety. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific time frame, and the use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'however', 'in summary') aids in the flow of information. To enhance cohesion, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to connect ideas between sentences.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The grammatical structures used are mostly accurate, with a good range of sentence types. However, there are minor errors, such as 'illustrates' instead of 'illustrate' in the opening sentence, which detracts slightly from the overall accuracy. Additionally, the phrase 'at slightly lower rate' should include 'a' for grammatical correctness. Improving these minor issues would enhance the score.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and varied, with terms like 'dramatic rise' and 'upwards trend' effectively conveying the changes in membership. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'members' and 'females', which could be replaced with synonyms to demonstrate a wider lexical range. For example, using 'participants' or 'women' could add variety.
7.5
Task Achievement
The response effectively addresses the task by summarizing the key trends in fitness memberships for both genders over the specified period. It provides clear comparisons and highlights significant changes, such as the overtaking of female memberships over male memberships. To improve further, the writer could include specific percentages or more detailed data points to enhance the analysis.
8.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."