The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The human population around the whole earthorld is growing up more and moreincreasingly. It has been growing upon the rise for a very long time, since the history of peoplehumankind. There are a couple of reasons why the population is getting bigger. One cause is that many cultures value having biglarge families with a lot ofmany childrens. For example, in my country, it is normal for people to want 5five or 6six babies because it means the family will be strong and have a lot help. Alsoof support. Additionally, in some religions, it is believed that God wants people to have many babyies to fill the planet. Another cause ofor population growth is that medicine areis improving, and less people are die when they are kidsfewer children are dying at a young age. In the past, many babys waies died, but now they can survive thanks to vaccines and hospitals. This means the population will keep growing up more and more. I agree that population increase is bigcontinue to grow. I agree that the increase in population is a significant problem we are faceing today. More people mean need for more house, morea greater need for housing, schools, more roads, more food, and water for everyone. If the population keeps rising up, one day maybe there willmay not be enough resources for all the people. Too much An overpopulation causen lead to suffer anding, hunger, and not enoughinsufficient jobs. AlsoFurthermore, more people mean more pollution and damage to the environment. In my opinion, the world needs to find ways to slow down population growth; or eltherwise, we will haveencounter many problems in the future. ToIn conclusion, the human population is get bigting larger every year for a couple of main reasons like culture and better, such as cultural values and improved health. I believe this is the most important problem for the world now because more people will bring many challenges and suffering if we don't find solutions. We must work hard to control population growth for a better tomorrow.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses the task by discussing the causes of population growth and expressing an opinion on its significance. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in exploring the causes, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary and improved grammatical accuracy. Structural changes made include enhancing transitions between paragraphs and correcting grammatical errors to improve clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or statistics to support claims and varying sentence structures for greater sophistication. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. For instance, the transition from discussing cultural values to medical advancements could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several errors that affect clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('medicine are improving'), incorrect verb forms ('is get bigger'), and awkward sentence constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures to enhance clarity and sophistication.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate but lacks variety and sophistication. There are repetitive phrases such as 'more and more' and 'big problem,' which could be replaced with synonyms or more precise terms. Additionally, there are several spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'childrens' instead of 'children' and 'mean' instead of 'means.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for accuracy in word forms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the causes of population growth and expressing an opinion on its significance. However, it lacks depth in exploring the causes and does not provide sufficient examples or evidence to support the claims made. To improve, the writer could elaborate on each cause with more detailed explanations and examples, such as specific cultural practices or statistics on health improvements.
6.0

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