The diagram below shows how rainwater is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The diagram illustrates the process of how rainwater is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in a town ofin Australia. It can be seen that there are several steps involved in this process, which I will summariese below. First, the rain falls into a catchment, which is an area where the water is collected. The water then flows through pipes to a storage tank or reservoir. This is where the water, where it is stored until it is needed. Next, the water is pumped to a treatment plant. Here, the water goes throughundergoes several processes to remove any impurities and make it safe to drink. The first step is screening, where any large particles like leaves or twigs are removed. ThenSubsequently, the water is filtered to removeliminate any smaller particles. AfterFollowing thatis, the water is disinfected to kill any harmful bacterias or viruses. Finally, the treated water is stored in a clean water tank until it is needed. When someone turns on their tap, the treated water is pumped to their home or business through a network of pipes. Overall, this process of collecting and treating rainwater is an important way to provide clean and safe drinking water to the people in this Australian town. It is an efficient way to use a natural resource like rainwater and ensure that everyone haves access to clean water.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively outlines the rainwater collection and treatment process, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task requirements. Key strengths include a logical structure and a generally appropriate vocabulary. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with smoother transitions, and expanding lexical variety to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between steps, and refining the overall flow of the essay. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more specific details about the significance of each treatment step and consider using synonyms to enhance lexical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of information. However, some transitions between steps could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, using phrases like 'subsequently' or 'following this' could enhance the flow. Improving the linking of ideas would strengthen coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'illustrate' instead of 'illustrates' and 'to be use' instead of 'to be used.' Additionally, 'colecting' should be 'collecting,' and 'a efficient' should be 'an efficient.' Addressing these errors and varying sentence structures would improve the score.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with some variety. However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'water' and 'treated water.' The use of terms like 'disinfected' and 'impurities' is effective, but the writer could enhance their lexical range by incorporating synonyms or more sophisticated expressions. For example, using 'purification' instead of 'treatment' could add variety.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview of the rainwater collection and treatment process, addressing the task requirements. However, it lacks some detail in the explanation of the treatment steps and could benefit from more specific comparisons or data. To improve, the writer could include more information about the significance of each step or the benefits of the process.
6.5

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