The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecasts.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The aAustralian bBureau of mMeteorology haves a process for collecting current informations to make a reliable weather forecasts. The diagram is showings that this process haves six stages and is a cycle. In the first stage, the satellites, radars, and drifting buoy ares collecting data. It isThey measuringe temperature, air pressure, wind speed, and wind direction. The information areis sendt to the bureau's central computers. In the computers, the data is analizysed and processed with a computer programs. The next stage isnvolves creating graphical representations made. it is. These include maps, symboles, and diagrams that showing the weather measurements and predictions are generated from the processed data. Fourthly, the meteorologists are addingdd their knowledge to review the graphical representations. They are interpreding data, findingt the data and identify weather patterns. m Meteorologists are then makinge accurate predictions. They use their knowledge to analysise the maps and do furcasting forforecast what will happen with the weather. tThe predictions are broadcasting through television, radio, and newspapers. The Australian public getreceives the weather reports in this way. F In the finally stage, more informations are is collected again, and the cycle starts againnew. tThe bureau takes up-to-miniute measurements to alwayscontinually improve accuracy for the public to rely on. The process repeats continues to productinge reliable forecasts. In conclusion, the aAustralian bBureau of mMeteorology uses advanced technolaogy and expertises for to provdingide reliable informations about the weather to the public. It is importentThese predictions are important for daily life and safety.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively outlining the process of how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects weather information. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the use of a wider range of vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better linking phrases, and ensuring proper paragraphing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include enhancing the variety of sentence structures and expanding the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are several grammatical errors that disrupt the coherence, such as 'next stage is graphical representations made' which should be rephrased for clarity. To enhance cohesion, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'subsequently' or 'following this'.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in subject-verb agreement and sentence construction (e.g., 'the information are send' should be 'the information is sent'). These errors affect the clarity of the message. To improve, the writer should focus on using a variety of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy throughout the text.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'meterology', 'temperatre', 'procesed') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'the bureau', 'the meteorologists'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling, which would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the process of how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects weather information. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and contains inaccuracies, such as 'the diagram is showing this process have six stages' which should be more clearly articulated. To improve, the writer should ensure that all stages are clearly outlined and described in a logical manner, possibly by using more precise language.
5.0

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