The diagram below shows the different stages of a typical working day for factory workers in a particular company. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the diagram. You should write at least 150 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

From the picture below which is showningThe diagram below illustrates how factory workers in the company is spending theire typical workdays. The day starts at 8 am and ending ins at 6 pm o'clock, with a several activity in between aties occurring during thatis time period. The workday begining is at 8 am when work starting. Thisand continues for 2 hours untill 10 am, twhen the workers are gettingtake a break to havefor a cup of coffee. Theis break is lasts for only 15 minuts only, toes, ending at 10.:15. Then it is back to work again for am. After the break, the workers return to work for an additional 2 hours and 45 minuts mores, until 1 pm. At 1 oclock PMpm, the workers have a lunch break whichthat lasts for 45 minutes, from 1 pm untill 1.:45 pm. Then work continues again for few more hours. The work is going from 1.45pm and foFollowing lunch, work resumes for a further 2 hours and 15 minutes until 4 pm. Then at 4 is coffe break again, like At 4 pm, there is another coffee break, similar to the earlier on the daye, but this break is slittle bit more shorter -ghtly shorter, lasting only 15 mins onlyutes. After the last coffee break, the workers are going to backturn to work for the last timefinal stretch of the day. They, working for 1 hour and 45 minutes more from 4.:15 pm to 6 pm. ThenFinally, at 6 pm in the evening, the working day is overconcludes, and the workers go home.
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Expert Feedback

The revised essay demonstrates several key strengths, including a clearer structure and improved coherence. The introduction effectively paraphrases the task, and the body paragraphs are organized chronologically, making it easier for the reader to follow the sequence of events. However, there are still critical areas for improvement. While the grammatical errors have been reduced, some issues remain, such as the use of 'the workers return to work' instead of 'the workers are returning to work'. Additionally, the vocabulary could be further diversified to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource. Structural changes made include the addition of clearer topic sentences and improved transitions between paragraphs. The overall flow is now more logical, guiding the reader through the workday. For further improvements, the writer could focus on varying sentence structures to include more complex sentences, which would enhance grammatical range. Additionally, incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions would improve the lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents a sequence of events, but the flow is somewhat disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking words more effectively, such as 'firstly', 'after that', and 'finally', to guide the reader through the stages of the working day.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms. For example, 'the workers are getting a break' should be 'the workers get a break'. The sentence structures are mostly simple, lacking complexity. To improve, the writer should focus on using a variety of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy throughout the text.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misused words, such as 'showing' instead of 'showing', 'there' instead of 'their', and 'begining' instead of 'beginning'. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors. Incorporating synonyms and varied expressions would enhance the lexical resource.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response provides a general overview of the working day for factory workers, detailing the start and end times, breaks, and work periods. However, it lacks clarity and precision in some areas, such as the description of the breaks and the overall structure. To improve, the writer should focus on summarizing the key points more clearly and concisely, perhaps by using bullet points or a more structured format.
5.0

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