The diagram below shows the number of landline telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The diagram provides information about the landline telephones per one thousand people in seven country,ies over a five-years period. Overall, the diagram illustrates that in most countryies, the number of landline telephones has increased during this time period, although there are some exceptions. In the first place, Canada had the highest number of landline telephones per 1000 personople in 2000, at around 680. This number increased over the 5five years and reached almost 700 telephones per 1000 people in 2005. Similarly, the United States also saw an growincrease in landline telephones, from approximately 650 per 1000 people inat the beginning to over 675 inat the end of the period. Germany and the United Kingdom both started with lower levels, around 550-570 per 1000 people, but they too showed a steady rise and ended up with around 600-650 telephones per 1000 people. On the other hand, the number of landline telephones in Italy remained relatively stable over the 5five years, starting and ending at about 450 per 1000 people. Russia and China had the lowest levels of landline telephones, both starting around 200-250 telephones per 1000 personople. While Russia saw a small increase to around 280 by 2005, China's telephone number remained flat throughout the period. In conclusion, the diagram shows that most countryies experienced growth in landline telephones over the 5five years, but the rate of increase varied between nations, with some countryies like Italy and China seeing little to no change during this time frame.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the information presented in the diagram and highlighting key trends and data points. Key strengths include a logical structure and a generally appropriate vocabulary for the task. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage, as well as enhancing coherence through smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, ensuring proper pluralization, and improving the flow of sentences. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary further and incorporating more cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'in contrast' or 'furthermore' could enhance the flow. Improving the linking of ideas would strengthen coherence.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the diagram provide'), incorrect article usage ('the number of landline telephone'), and awkward phrasing ('an grow'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'landline telephone' instead of 'landline telephones' and 'country' instead of 'countries.' To improve, the writer should aim for more varied vocabulary and correct usage to enhance precision.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the information presented in the diagram, highlighting trends and specific data points. However, it lacks clarity in some areas, such as the specific countries mentioned and their respective data. To improve, the writer could provide clearer comparisons and ensure that all relevant details are included.
6.0

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