The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry. Write at least 150 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The given diagram is illustrates the process of make aing bricks for the constructions industry. It haves seven steps from start to end product. At the beginning, the clay is diug from the ground by a large digging machine. Then it is transfer tored to the pug mill by use theing a conveyor belt. In this step, the clay areis mixed with water to fromorm a clay mixture before it goes to the wire cutting step to be cut into brick shapes. Next to cuttingFollowing the cutting process, the clay bricks are dryied in a kiln (oven) at high tempaerature to remove water and make them hard. F The final step is packing the bricks. Before packing, all the bricks are checked for quality control. Only good quality ones will be packed byand transported to sellbe sold and sendt for construction. Bricks with defaects will be removed. SoThus, this is how the bricks are manufactured to provide for the building industry.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the brick manufacturing process, effectively covering the key steps involved. The introduction successfully paraphrases the task, and the body paragraphs logically describe the process in a sequential manner. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. The original text contained several spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect article usage, which have been addressed in the corrected version. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices has been improved to enhance the flow of the writing. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the clarity of sentences, and enhancing the use of linking phrases for better coherence. The overall tone remains appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style. For further improvements, the writer could focus on expanding their vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the language used. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors before submission would help in achieving a higher score. Overall, the corrected version is a significant improvement over the original, addressing the key issues identified in the scoring explanations.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear progression from one step to the next. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences could be better linked for improved flow. For example, phrases like 'Next to cutting' could be replaced with 'Following the cutting process' for better coherence. More varied linking words would enhance the overall cohesion.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are multiple errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('it have', 'clay are mix') and incorrect article usage ('a bricks'). The presence of these errors detracts from the overall effectiveness of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct article usage, as well as proofreading for spelling mistakes.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors, such as 'ilustrate', 'temparature', and 'provid'. Additionally, the repetition of phrases like 'the clay' could be reduced by using synonyms or pronouns. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and correctly.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response provides a general overview of the brick manufacturing process, covering most of the key steps. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and contains inaccuracies, such as 'make a bricks' instead of 'make bricks' and 'defact' instead of 'defect'. To improve, the writer should ensure that all steps are clearly and accurately described, and that the language used is grammatically correct.
5.0

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