The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The diagram illustratinges the cement-making prodeccedure, and how cement is used for making concrete for construction. It shows fofa fourteen-stage process for manufacturing cement, starting with the raw material input and ending with concrete makingproduction for building. Limestone and clay are the basic material which iss that are mixed with some other substances and then grinded for makingound to create a slurry. This slurry is further heated to 1400 degree cs Celcsius to makproduce clinker material in the preheater and kiln. tThis clinker material is then cooled and the ground to form a powder called cement. The cement is then mixed with other ingredients such as water, sand, and gravel to produce concrete. tThis concrete is thensubsequently used for various construction purposes for, including buildings and other infrastructures. Overall, the diagram showdemonstrates theat the cement-making isprocess is a multi-step process which inlovesdure involving different raw materials, machinery, and heating/cooling cycles. And cCement, the powder, is the main ingredient but only one of the neededcessary substances to make concrete.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively outlines the cement-making process and its application in concrete production. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow from the introduction to the conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific details about each stage of the process and the elimination of spelling and grammatical errors. Structural changes made include correcting spelling mistakes, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing comparisons between different stages of the process and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow from the introduction to the conclusion. However, there are some awkward transitions and repetitive phrases, such as 'the cement-making' and 'the the cement-making.' To enhance cohesion, the writer could use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with capitalization and sentence structure (e.g., 'this clinker mater cooled and the ground to form a powder called cement'). While the meaning is generally clear, the presence of these errors affects the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'prodecure,' 'fofteen,' 'celcius,' 'mater,' 'pocess') that detract from the overall quality. The writer uses some relevant terms related to the topic, but to achieve a higher score, they should aim for greater precision and variety in word choice.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response provides a general overview of the cement-making process and how cement is used to produce concrete. However, it lacks specific details about each stage and does not fully address the requirement to make comparisons where relevant. To improve, the writer could include more specific information about each stage and highlight any significant comparisons between the processes.
6.0

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