The diagram below shows the various stages involved in the production of beer. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The diagram is show the step of how beer is made from the beginning to become the final product for drinkllustrates the steps involved in the production of beer, from the initial preparation to the final product ready for consumption. There are five main stages in the makeing of beer, which I will describe. The first stage of beer producetion is the preparation of ingredients. This involve thes mix ofing malted barley with hot water inside a large tank which is calledknown as the mash tun. After that, in the second stage, the mixture is moved from the mash tun into a tanks which called the copper. At this point, hops isare added to the liquid. N In the next stage, after mixing with hops, the liquid is coolinged down in the cooling tank. Then, in stage four, the cooled liquid is putlaced in fermentation tanks, and yeast is added to startinitiate the fermentation process. The liquid stay inremains in the fermentation tank for one week. Finally, in the last stage, which is stage five, the beer is storaged for somea period, i that could brange from a few weeks to someeveral months. After storage, the beer is put in bottlesd or cans, thenned, making it is ready for drink.consumption. In summary, the beer production haveprocess consists of five stages which is: preparation, addition of hops, cooling, fermentation, and storage before it becomes the final drink product in bottles or cans. The most important stages I think is the, in my opinion, is fermentation because, as this is when the yeast is added to make the beer have alcohol, allowing the beer to develop its alcohol content and distinct flavour.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the beer production process, effectively outlining the five main stages involved. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing clarity, and improving the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed insights into the significance of each stage and varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with each stage presented in sequence. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow (e.g., 'the mix is move'). To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('is show,' 'is add'), incorrect verb forms ('mix is move'), and awkward sentence structures. These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the text.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, with terms like 'malted barley,' 'fermentation,' and 'hops' being relevant. However, there are some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'the mix') and inaccuracies (e.g., 'the beer is storage'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview of the beer production process, outlining the five main stages. However, it lacks depth in describing the significance of each stage and could benefit from more detailed comparisons or insights. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the role of each ingredient and the impact of fermentation on flavor and alcohol content.
6.0

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