The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The diargram showings how carbonated drinks isare produced. The diagram is divided into five steps to make carbonated drinks from start to finished product. FThe first step in the making of carbonated drinks proscess is the dillution of the flavour concentrate using treated water. After that, the diluted conscentrate is put in a tank, and more treated water is added. Then, sugar is added according to the recipe of the flavour concentrate. N The next step in the prossecess is the carbonation, where carbon dioxide is injected into the diluted flavour conscentrate and sugar mixture to make it fizzy and bubbly. ThenFollowing this, the carboneated mixture goes to the filling station, where it is filled into cans or bottles using a filling machine. Lastly, filled cans or bottles of carbonated drinks are being seealed and packaged for distribution to stores and supermarkets for sale to the cocustuomers. In summary, the prossecess of making carboneated drinks starts with the dilution of flavour conscentrate and the addingtion of sugar and water, followed by carbonization and filling in bottles or cans. LastFinally, cans and bottles are sealed and packaged for sale to customers through stores and supermarkets. The diagram clearly shows all necessecary steps in the making of fizzy drinks process from beginning to end product.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the process of making carbonated drinks, effectively outlining the main steps involved. Key strengths include a logical sequence of information and a generally appropriate tone for an academic task. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing numerous spelling errors, enhancing the use of cohesive devices for better flow, and correcting grammatical inaccuracies. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between steps, and ensuring proper paragraphing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures for complexity and expanding vocabulary usage. Overall, the tone is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is organized into a sequence of steps, which helps in understanding the process. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions between steps could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'subsequently' or 'following this' could enhance the flow. Improving the logical progression of ideas would strengthen coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions (e.g., 'the diagram divided in five steps', 'the carbonation where carbondioxide is injected in to the diluted flavor consentrate'). To improve, the writer should aim for more complex sentence structures and ensure grammatical accuracy throughout.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, but there are numerous spelling errors (e.g., 'diargam', 'prosess', 'consentrate', 'adad', 'carbondioxide', 'fizy', 'seeled', 'pakaged', 'nessecary', 'begining') that hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and checking for spelling errors.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response provides a general overview of the process of making carbonated drinks, covering the main steps involved. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall understanding. To improve, the writer should ensure that all steps are clearly articulated and free from spelling mistakes, which can confuse the reader.
5.0

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