The diagram shows the relationship between a number of different languages. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by summarizing the main features of the diagram and making some comparisons. Key strengths include the logical structure and the identification of different language categories. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in describing relationships, grammatical accuracy, and the use of more varied vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and ensuring proper pluralization. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on the relationships between languages in more detail and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the phrase 'In other hand' should be 'On the other hand'. Using clearer transitions and linking phrases would enhance cohesion.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'there several types of languages are shown') and incorrect prepositions (e.g., 'according on'). These errors detract from the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'language' instead of 'languages' in some contexts. The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms to describe relationships, such as 'affiliation' or 'connection'.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the diagram and making some comparisons. However, it lacks clarity in certain areas and does not fully develop the relationships between the languages. To improve, the writer should ensure that all key features are clearly identified and explained, and avoid vague phrases like 'some more languages'.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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