The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The given diagram illustrates the process of making cement and using it to makcreate concrete for construction. Overall, the process begins with input raw materials and ends with the production of concrete after going through several stages involving various equipment. In the first stage, limestone and clay are put into a crusher machine where they are crushed to produce powder. Thenis powder is then passed through a mixer, and after that, it is fed into a rotating heater. The heater heats the powder at a high temperature, which causes it to form into small balls known as clinker. After that, the clinker is ground in a grinding mill to make cement powder. The cement powder is then ready to be used in the next process, which is to make concrete. To makcreate concrete, cement powder is mixed with other ingredients such as sand, gravel, and water in a concrete mixer. The mixture is then poured into moulds or formworks and allowed to set and hardened. Once hardened, the concrete is ready to be used for various building purposes such as foundations, walls, and floors. In conclusion, the diagrams show that cement production involves several stages and equipment such as a crusher, mixer, rotary heater, and grinding mill. The cement produced is then used as a key ingredient in making concrete, which is widely used in the building process.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the cement-making process and its application in concrete production, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing the clarity of sentences, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific details about each stage and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as 'the process begin' instead of 'begins'. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('the process begin') and incorrect word forms ('next proces'). To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with terms like 'clinker', 'mixer', and 'concrete'. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'the powder is then' and 'stage involving'. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the language.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview of the cement-making process and its application in concrete production. However, it lacks some detail in describing the stages and equipment, and there are minor inaccuracies, such as 'the heater heat' instead of 'heats'. To improve, the writer could include more specific details about each stage and clarify the role of each piece of equipment.
6.5

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