The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinion, the education that a person getreceives from family has more significance thean what we learned in school. I agree with this statement to a biglarge extent for someeveral reasons that I will explain. Firstly, family education is the foundation for all of thea person's values, beliefs, and morals. Our parents and other relatives teach us from a young age what is right and what is wrong. They show to us how to behave properly and treats others with kindness and respectful. This moral education is more important thean the academic knowledges we getain at school, because it shapes our character and makes us into good human beings. Without a strong foundation of values from family, even a person who is very educated in school may not be a good person. Secondly, the lessons and skills that we learns from family stay with us for our whole lives. Family members teaches us important life skills like how to cook, clean, manage money, and take care of our health. They also give usprovide us with advices and support us emotionally through difficult times. These practical skills and emostional support are things that schools do not provide, but we continue to apply them and relay on them long after finishing our education. On the other hand, while school education is certainly valuable for gaining knowledge and skills, it often lacks the personal touch and practical application that family education offers. In conclutsion, while school education is certeainly valuable for gaining knowledge and skills, I beliefve that the education we receive from family has a bigger and more lasting impact on our lives. It shapes our values, teaches important life skills, and gives us the emostional support that we need at every stage of life. These thingfactors makes family education truly irreplaceable and more significant thean what we learn in school.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument that family education is more important than school education, which is a key strength. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as moral education and practical skills learned at home. However, the argument could be improved by acknowledging the value of school education more explicitly, providing a more balanced view. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were several errors that detracted from the overall quality. Additionally, the vocabulary could be more varied, and spelling errors needed correction. The use of cohesive devices was somewhat limited, and smoother transitions between points would enhance the flow of the argument. Structural changes made include correcting spelling and grammatical errors, improving the clarity of sentences, and adding a transition phrase ('On the other hand') to better connect the discussion of school education. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in spelling and grammar. Additionally, providing a more balanced view of the importance of both family and school education could strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reasoned approach throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, using phrases like 'on the other hand' when discussing school education could enhance the flow of the argument.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('we learns' should be 'we learn') and incorrect verb forms ('teaches' should be 'teach'). There are also awkward constructions, such as 'the education that a person gets from family has more significance then what we learned in school.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are several instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'onion' instead of 'opinion' and 'fundation' instead of 'foundation.' Additionally, words like 'emosional' should be corrected to 'emotional.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in spelling.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that family education is more important than school education. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the moral education provided by family and the practical skills learned at home. However, the argument could be strengthened by acknowledging the value of school education more explicitly and providing a more balanced view.
6.5

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