The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinnion, I am agree with this statement to some extent. There are a number of reasons why I believe that alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws should be introduced to control car ownership and use. Firstly, the increasing number of cars on the roads is causing a lot of pollution and congestion. The pollution from cars is harmful to the environment and the health of people. According to a recent study, the pollutemissions from cars isvehicles are responsible for a large number of respiratory diseases in peopleindividuals. Moreover, the congestion on the roads is also increasing, which is leadings to a losignificant amount of time being wasted in traffic jams. This is not only frustrating for people, but it is also bad fordetrimental to the economy as peopleindividuals are wasting time that could be used for productive activities. Secondly, the rincreasing use of cars is also leading to a lothigh number of accidents. According to statistics, the number of road accidents is increasing every year and, resulting in a large number of people are killed or injured in these accidentfatalities and injuries. This is not only a tragedy for the families of the victims, but it is also places a burden on the healthcare system. If alternative forms of transport, such as public transport, were encouraged, it would reduce the number of cars on the roads and, consequently, the number of accidents. However, I also believe that international laws to control car ownership and use may not be practical or effective. Different countries have differentvarying needs and priorities, and what may work in one country may not workbe applicable in another. Moreover, enforcing such laws would be difficult and expensive.challenging and costly. In conclusion, while I agree that alternative forms of transport should be encouraged to reduce pollution, congestion, and accidents, I do not think that international laws to control car ownership and use are the solution. Instead, governments should invest in improving public transport and encouraging people to use it. This would be a more effective and practical solution to the problem.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear position on the topic and relevant examples that support the main ideas, such as pollution, congestion, and accidents. The overall structure is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The essay contained spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies that detracted from its overall quality. Additionally, the vocabulary could be varied more to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource. The transitions between ideas could also be smoother to improve coherence and cohesion. In the corrected version, I made changes to address spelling errors, grammatical inaccuracies, and improved the flow of ideas by adjusting some phrases. I also varied the vocabulary slightly to reduce repetition. For further improvements, the writer could include more specific examples or data to support their claims, particularly regarding the effectiveness of alternative transport. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices would enhance the overall flow of the essay. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the use of linking phrases could be more varied to enhance the flow of the essay.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'I am agree' (I agree) and 'should be introduce' (should be introduced). These mistakes indicate a lack of grammatical accuracy. While the overall meaning is clear, the presence of these errors suggests that more attention to grammatical correctness is needed.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'pollution,' 'congestion,' and 'accidents' effectively conveying the main ideas. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase 'the increasing number of cars,' which could be varied. Additionally, there are some spelling errors, such as 'opinnion' (opinion) and 'encourage' (encouraged), which detract from the overall lexical quality.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the need for alternative forms of transport and the potential role of international laws. The writer presents a clear position and develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as pollution, congestion, and accidents. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or data to support the claims made, particularly regarding the effectiveness of alternative transport.
7.0

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