The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graffs givesphs provide information about the usage of energiey and the released of greenhouse gasses in tiypical aAustralian homes. The first graffph shows the breakdown of energiey usage by category, while the second compaires the greenhouse emissions resulting from thoseat usage. According to the first chart, the most biglargest usage of energy is for heating water, at 30%. afterFollowing thatis, heating and cooling the house useaccount for about one forthquarter of the energy consumption. Other household appliances are responsible for 15% of consumeption, and the refrigidaireerator useings around 10%. LThe least energy is used for lighting, at 5% only. 5%. When lookexamining the second chart for greenhouses gas emissions, it is apparent that the heating of water and house cooling and heating are created the most emissions. Together, they accounting for almost 75% together. F. Refridges crearators contribute about 10% and, while other apppliance creates account for another 10 percent%. The lightest causes create negligible emissions, at only 1%. It is clear that the heating and cooling of homes cause the most energy use and emissions. In concluseion, the dadta show that the heating of water and the coolding and heating of homes are the reasons for the majority of energiy use and the producetion of most greenhouses gases in Australian homes. There is a correlation between the amount of energy used for a category and the amount of emissiomns it produces. Reducting the heating and cooling of homes would likely hasve the biggest impact foron decreasing greenhouses gasses from households.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, summarizing the main features of the charts and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include the identification of major trends and the overall structure of the response. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the use of a wider range of vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing clarity in phrasing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures more effectively and incorporating more cohesive devices to improve the flow of information. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some logical sequencing of ideas, but the flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of information.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure (e.g., 'the most biggest usage', 'the lightest causes create negligible emission'). While there is some variety in sentence structure, the errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures more effectively.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, with terms like 'heating' and 'cooling' appearing frequently. There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'energie', 'tipical', 'frigidaire', 'apparent', 'concluse', 'dada', 'colding', 'emissiom') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should aim to use a broader range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the charts and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and could benefit from a more structured approach. For improvement, the writer should ensure that all key points are clearly articulated and supported with specific data from the charts.
6.0

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