The graph and chart below give information on the average daily maximum and minimum temperatures in degrees Celsius (°C) and the average number of days with rainfall each month for two Australian cities.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The figure demonstrates the average highest and lowest temperatures in two Australian city,ies; it also give the day haveprovides the number of days with rain in everyach month. The temperature information areis given in degrees cCelcsius, while the rainfall information shows the days per month. For the city in the first image, the hottest month is January, maybewith a maximum of around 25 degree for maxs and a minimum andof 15 degree for minimum. Cs. The coldest month iss are June, July, and August, atwith about 12 degrees for the highest and only 5 degrees for the lowest. The temperature rises again after August and fallings back after January. OThe other city haves a similar pattern but notwith saome differences. Its temperature range is smaller than first city. Highestthat of the first city, with a highest temperature of around 22 degree ats in January and December, thenand a lowest temperature of almost 15 degree ats in July. So it overall moreOverall, it is warmer than other first city. Looking at the rainingfall information, both cityies have the most rainy days in June and July. ButHowever, the first city haves more days of rain during these months, maybewith approximately 14 days in June, compared to more than 12 day for other place at same time. First place also haves in the other city at the same time. The first city also experiences more rainy days overall each month. After June, and July, the rainfall decrease a lots significantly, then rise backs again later, in both cityies. The lowest are atrainfall occurs in the spring and fallautumn month. s. Overall, the information showingillustrates the climate in the two cities of Australia. The first city is colder, and haves more rain, while the other city is warmer and drier. ForIn both cities, the coldest and the most rainy time in winter month but hot and dry in summer timerainiest times occur in the winter months, while the summer months are hot and dry. The temperatueres and rainfall change quite a lot invary considerably throughout the year.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task by describing the temperature and rainfall data for two Australian cities. Key strengths include the identification of temperature trends and rainfall patterns. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in comparisons between the two cities and the use of more precise data points. The structure has been improved by ensuring clear topic sentences and supporting details in each paragraph, as well as enhancing coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include the use of a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are instances of logical sequencing, but the use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas, such as 'in contrast' or 'similarly,' and ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms, such as 'demonstate' instead of 'demonstrate' and 'it temperature range smaller' instead of 'its temperature range is smaller.' These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure that grammatical rules are followed consistently.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'Australia city' instead of 'Australian city' and 'the day have rain' instead of 'the days with rain.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice, avoiding informal phrases.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the temperature and rainfall data for two Australian cities. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and does not fully develop the comparisons between the two cities. To improve, the writer should provide clearer distinctions and more specific data points, such as exact temperatures and rainfall amounts, and ensure that all statements are relevant to the task.
5.0

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