The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

First, iI will discuss on the charts informationthe information presented in the charts. The graph is showings how much water areis used in the world in theacross different sectionors, while the chart compares water use by bBrazil and congo dthe Democratic Republic of Congo in the year 2000. In On a globally scale, the vast majority of fresh water areis used for agriculture, at 69% of the total. Industry areis in second place, consuming 21% of the world's water supply, andwhile household use ais relatively small, accounting for just 10%. On t The table we can look theillustrates Brazil and congo dthe Democratic rRepublixc of Congo's water consumption. is, showing the litres used per person per day in the 2two countryies. Brazil consumes a much higher 359 literes, compared to only 8 in the congo dDemocratic rRepublic of Congo. This bsignificant gap ofin water usage can be explaininged by Brazil being much more developed than the congo dDemocratic rRepublic of Congo. More development usually means that citizens will usinge more water in theyir daily life.ves. In summary, from this graph and table, agriculturale is use mostthe largest consumer of water on a global level. And tThe bsignificant different ofce in water consumption between developed and still developing country areies is clearly demonstrated by the examples of bBrazil and the congo dDemocratic rRepublic of Congo.
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Expert Feedback

The essay has several strengths, including a clear attempt to address the task by discussing the provided charts and making comparisons between Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo. The structure is generally appropriate, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a summary. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The analysis lacks depth, and the implications of the data are not fully explored. Additionally, coherence and cohesion could be enhanced with clearer transitions between ideas. There were also numerous spelling and grammatical errors that detracted from the overall quality of the writing. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and ensuring proper spelling and phrasing. For example, 'are used' was corrected to 'is used,' and 'agricultur' was corrected to 'agriculture.' Further improvements could include providing more detailed comparisons and insights into the reasons behind the differences in water consumption, as well as varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone of the writing is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout the essay.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are instances of unclear transitions, such as 'In globally scale' and 'On the table we can look.' To enhance coherence, the writer should use clearer linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'are used' instead of 'is used'), incorrect article usage, and awkward phrasing. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy, such as using 'Brazil consumes' instead of 'Brazil consume.'
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'agricultur,' 'congo democratic republix,' 'develop') and some repetitive phrases. The writer could improve by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling, such as using 'agriculture' instead of 'agricultur' and 'Democratic Republic of Congo' instead of 'congo democratic republic.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by discussing the provided charts and comparing water use in Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo. However, it lacks depth in analysis and does not fully explain the implications of the data. To improve, the writer could provide more detailed comparisons and insights into the reasons behind the differences in water consumption.
5.5

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