The graph below gives information about the percentage of population living in cities in different countries Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia from 1970 to 2020 with prediction for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

iIntroduction The graph is showing how many people living in city areas as percentage of population,llustrates the percentage of people living in urban areas in four Southeast Asian countries, which is: the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia. It's show presents data from 1970 untilto 2020, and also havelong with predictions for 2030 and 2040. From tThis graph we can makeallows for a comparatison between the countryies and seehows how urban populations have changinged over this time period. o Overview OnAt the beginning of the period in 1970, Malaysia havd the highest percentage of urban population at just over 30%. Indonesia havd the second highest at around 20%, while then Philippines and Thailand both haved about 20% urban population. After 50 years until, by 2020, Malaysia still leading atcontinued to lead with almost 80% of its population living in cityies. Indonesia have grown quicklyexperienced rapid growth to reach 60%, while the Philippines and Thailand haveshowed similar growth to, reaching around 50%. d Details When we look atLooking at the predictions, inby 2030, Malaysia is expected to bemaintain over 80%, while Thailand and the Philippines will be around 60%, and Indonesia is predicted to reach 70%. Then lastIn the final prediction infor 2040, Indonesia may slightly overtake Malaysia slightly, both, with both countries reaching almost 80% urban population. Meanwhile, Thailand and the Philippines willare projected to have around 70% of peopletheir populations liveing in cityurban areas. c Conclusion In summary, Malaysia have mos had the highest urban population from the beginning untilto the end of the period, but Indonesia is growing very fastquickly and may overtake int in the future. The Philippines and Thailand have shown slower growth but still a significant increase from 20% to 70% over the 70-years period. All four countries showdemonstrate a trend of urbanisation, whereith more and more people moving to live in cityurban areas.
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Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure with distinct sections and a clear attempt to summarize the main features of the graph. The use of relevant data points enhances the overall understanding of the trends presented. Critical areas for improvement involve grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, the vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and refining the overview for clarity. The introduction was also adjusted to better paraphrase the question. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding the range of vocabulary used to express comparisons and trends more effectively, as well as incorporating more cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with distinct sections (introduction, overview, details, conclusion). However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall flow. For example, 'On beginning of period in 1970' could be rephrased to 'At the beginning of the period in 1970'. Using more cohesive devices would enhance clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('Malaysia have' should be 'Malaysia has') and incorrect article usage ('the beginning of period' should be 'the beginning of the period'). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and sentence variety.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'urban population') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'comparation'). The use of phrases like 'highest percentage' and 'significant increase' is effective, but the writer could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to express comparisons and trends more effectively.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making comparisons between the countries. However, it lacks a clear and concise overview and contains some inaccuracies, such as 'comparation' instead of 'comparison'. To improve, the writer should ensure clarity in the overview and provide more precise data points.
6.5

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