The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in 4 Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with the prediction for 2030 and 2040.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph showingillustrates the percentage of the population living in cityies for four countryies in Asia from 1970 to 2040. It is clear that the overall trend is increasing for all 4four countryies, though the rate of increase vary.ies. In 1970, Japan havd the highest percentage at around 60%, wihile India lowest only about 20% livehad the lowest, with only about 20% of its population living in cityies. Over the next few decades, all country slowlyies experienced a gradual increasinge. By 2020, Korea catchught up with Japan, bothwith both countries showing just over 90% urbanization. China riose very fastquickly, going from around 30% to nearly 70% inover this period 50 years50-year period. India also growingew, but moreat a slower pace, reaching about 45% by 2020. A According to the predictions, this trend of more people moveing to cityies will continue over the next 20 years. tThe graph shows forecasts for 2030 and 2040 forecast. Japan and Korea will remain stable, staying above 90%. ButHowever, China and India keep going upwill continue to rise. China may surpass 80% of its population living in citysies, and Inidadia is likely to reach 60% by 2040 if the trend continues in the same way. In conclusion, the share of the population in urban areas haves been growing strongly in most Asaian countries over the last 50 years. This pattern seem it wil nots unlikely to stop, with more and more people expected livingto live in cityies in the future. Countries need to plan for this shift and build the necessary infrastructure and housing for larger city populations.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, summarizing the trends in urbanization for the four Asian countries effectively. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data points and clearer comparisons between the countries, which would enhance the analysis. Additionally, the essay contained several grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that detracted from its overall clarity. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better linking phrases, and ensuring accurate subject-verb agreement. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more varied vocabulary and ensure that all spelling is correct. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but the flow of ideas is sometimes unclear. There are instances of awkward phrasing and a lack of cohesive devices, which affects the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' and 'on the other hand.'
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'Japan have highest percentage'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'go from'), and sentence fragments. These errors detract from the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and using correct verb tenses consistently.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'incresing,' 'thogh,' 'wihle,' 'Acording') and some repetitive phrases. The writer could enhance their score by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. For example, instead of 'slowly increasing,' they could use 'gradually rising' or 'progressively increasing.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the trends in urbanization for the four Asian countries. However, it lacks specific data points and comparisons that would enhance the analysis. To improve, the writer could include more precise figures and clearer comparisons between the countries, such as specific percentages for each year mentioned.
6.0

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