The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph shows data ofn people who live in cityliving in urban areas in 4four Asian country,ies from 1970 to 2020, andlong with predictions for 2030 and 2040. It can be seen that the percentage haveof urban dwellers has increased during theis period in all four country.ies. In 1970, only 20% of Indonesia's population lived in cities, which was the lowest among the four countries. The figures for the Republic of Korea and Japan were higher, at around 40% and 53% respectively. China had the second lowest percentage of city dewellers, at just over 30%. Over the following years, the proportion of city inhabitants grew steadily in all 4four countries. By 2020, the percentages for China and Indonesia had more than doubled, reaching about 64% and 45% respectively. Japan and Korea also saw increases, with Japan rising to 86%, but at a slower rate. It is predicted that upward trends will continue in the future. By 2040, it is expected that over 50% of Indonesia's population will be city inhabitants. The figures four the other three countries will also increase, with Japan reaching about 91%, the highest of the four. China will see the second biggest percentage, at around 78%, followed by Korea at 72%. In conclusion, the graph indicates growing urbanisation in the four Asian countries since 1970, a trend that is forecasted too continue in the coming decades. While the percentage of city dwellers varies between countryies, all have seen a significant rise over the period.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarising the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical structure and a good attempt at presenting data trends. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors were present, and the need for more varied vocabulary to enhance lexical resource. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity, and ensuring proper plural forms. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more linking phrases for better coherence and expanding the range of vocabulary used to describe trends. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are slightly disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, transitions between the years could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking phrases to connect ideas and ensure a more fluid reading experience.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('The graph show' should be 'The graph shows') and incorrect plural forms ('country' should be 'countries'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'city dewellers' instead of 'city dwellers' and 'propotion' instead of 'proportion'. The use of terms like 'urbanisation' is good, but the writer could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more varied expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting data and could benefit from more specific details, such as exact figures for all countries in the predictions. To improve, the writer should ensure that all relevant data points are included and presented clearly.
6.5

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