The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph is shows information about the consumption of energy in the USA from 1980 to 2030. The consumption of energy is measured in quadrillion units. The graph shows theillustrates the energy consumption of energy for every 10 yeardecade from 1980 to 2030. As we can see from the graph, in 1980, the energy consumption was just over 80 quadrillion units. It increased to around 100 quadrillion units by the 2008. The projections showindicate that the energy consumption will continue to rincrase in the future, reaching aroundpproximately 120 quadrillion units by 2030. In addition, the data reveals a consistent upward trend in energy consumption over the decades. The increase from 1980 to 2008 was significant, and the anticipated rise from 2008 to 2030 is expected to mirror this trend. This suggests a growing demand for energy in the USA, which may have implications for energy policy and sustainability efforts. In conclusion, the the energy consumption in the USA has increased significantly from 1980 to 2008, and theis trend is expected to continue untill 2030. The increase in energy consumption from 2008 to 2030 is expprojected to be similar to the incraserise observed from 1980 to 2008.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear understanding of the task and a logical flow of ideas. The writer effectively summarises the main features of the graph and makes relevant comparisons. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data points and a deeper exploration of trends. Structural changes were made to enhance coherence, such as correcting grammatical errors and improving the overall clarity of the writing. Additionally, varied vocabulary was introduced to avoid repetition. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more detailed analysis of the implications of the trends observed and use a wider range of linking phrases to enhance cohesion. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, there are some awkward phrases and minor issues with cohesion, such as the repetition of 'the' in 'the the energy consumption.' To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'is shows' instead of 'shows' and 'measure' instead of 'measured.' These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical mistakes and aim for more complex sentence structures.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with terms like 'consumption,' 'quadrillion units,' and 'projections.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'energy consumption' and 'increased,' which could be varied for a more sophisticated lexical range. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some detail and depth in analysis, such as specific figures for each decade and a more thorough exploration of trends. To improve, the writer could include more specific data points and elaborate on the implications of the trends observed.
6.5

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